Debbie Gail Zane

You may hear friends or family or others telling you to let go…of the outcome, of control, of a relationship, of a person…whatever it may be.

When you think about letting go, you want to remember that you don’t have control over anyone or anything but yourself. You can’t force an outcome. You don’t own another person.

If it is control you are holding onto, always let go of trying to control an outcome. You only have control over yourself and your decisions. Not anyone else. Trying to control another person doesn’t work and will just lead to stress and unhappiness.

If it is a person or relationship, how do you know if there is someone or something in your life you need to let go of? Let your feelings be your guide.

If you are holding on to someone or something and you are feeling mostly bad feelings, maybe you need to let go…

I understand this may feel scary or uncomfortable…and that’s okay. Allow yourself the space to grieve and give yourself extra love.

When you let go of what isn’t working for you or feeling good, you create the space in your life for what will make you feel good.

But you have to honor yourself first.

If it is a story (maybe one from your past) you are holding on to, ask yourself is this story serving you? When you believe in this story do you feel good or bad? If the story isn’t serving you, remind yourself that even if something may have been true in the past, it is probably no longer true right now.

The story needs your belief in it in order to make you feel bad, so stop believing in it. Let go of your beliefs that do not align with your desire to feel happy. And create space for a new belief, one that makes you feel good.

You either accept people the way they are or you don’t. You have that power to make a choice for yourself. But you don’t have the option to change them because you don’t have control over anyone else but yourself.

Once you accept this truth, it will change how you approach relationships.

If you view your partner from this new perspective…the perspective that you have no control to change him but you have the choice of whether to be with him, it can open your eyes to seeing what is, rather than what is not or what could be.

You can actually be present and open your heart because you are not trying to control him. You can actually relax and enjoy what is since you are not trying to create an outcome.

It’s like trying to pick up and move a thousand pound concrete wall…you will be frustrated and you will focus your energy on what is not working and what you can’t do. Instead of relaxing and being present and enjoying the moment.

You can’t be in a place to accept someone the way he is or appreciate him if you are not present and you are always focused on trying to change him.

You don’t have to agree with everything your partner says or does. You can respect and appreciate your differences.

But you can’t be in a place to decide if someone is right for you if you are not present and if you are constantly trying to control him.

The right person for you, you will not try to change him…you will accept him the way he is. You can appreciate him. Respect him. And if you are the right person for him, he will accept you for who you are and not try to change you.