Debbie Gail Zane

When you are desiring an amazing relationship, make sure you are coming from a place of abundance and not lack.

What do I mean?

Abundance that you know how to make yourself happy and you are not dependent on others to do this for you.  Abundance that allows you to get to know a person for who he really is rather than who you want him to be.  Abundance that allows you to not feel an urgency to find just any relationship and settle for someone who isn’t right for you.

When you begin dating someone, you want to get to know them for who they are, not the image you are projecting on them.  When you project an image on someone you skip the process of being open to learning about who they truly are.  You think you already know him, but what you know if what you have projected on him.

You look at every man as if he is the one for you, when in reality you really don’t know him yet.

Not only does this set you up for disappointment because he doesn’t match the image you created of him, but your energy will push him away.   If you are projecting way ahead in the relationship…and he feels you want an outcome such as commitment or marriage right now, before getting to know each other, it won’t feel good for him.  He wants to feel that he will be loved and accepted for who he truly is, once you get to know him.  He doesn’t want to someone you settle for because you want any relationship.  He wants to feel loved, valued and appreciated for who he is.  When you haven’t taken the time to get to know him yet, but you are already projecting ahead with him, this does not come across as authentic.  Just that you are getting into a relationship because you need one, not because you desire one with the person who is right for you.  You can’t know if someone is right for you until you have invested energy in getting to know who they truly are as a person.

If you find yourself feeling an urgent need to get into a relationship with anyone…not taking the time to get to know him, and projecting an image of who you want him to b rather than actually investing the energy to find the right relationship for you, shift your focus to yourself.

Take a step back and look at your relationship with yourself.  What is missing?  How can you practice loving yourself and making yourself happy?  In what ways can you show up more for yourself?  What do you need to feel more love and connection with you?

Being able to come from a place of making yourself happy and loving yourself, as opposed to always looking outside yourself to meet all of your needs for love and happiness, is key.  When you find love and happiness within you, you can them share this with others in your life, as opposed to coming to another person empty and expecting him to make you happy, which feels like pressure to him.

My group coaching program focuses not only on how to attract and create an amazing relationship with a partner but on mastering your ability to create your own happiness from within and truly love yourself.  Sign up early to receive two free bonus private coaching sessions!  https://debbiegailcoaching.com/manifest-more-love-program/

When you want to grow and find greater happiness and love, you have to be able to move beyond your comfort zone.

To stay where you are is easy.  You take less risk and there is less uncertainty.  But there is limited potential.  Because when you are not growing you are dying.

You have unlimited potential for growth, happiness and love.  You have to be able to embrace it and it’s not always easy.

For example, maybe it is not always easy to speak up when something is bothering you.  Maybe fears come up.  There is risk…the other person may not hear you or love you or accept you.  It helps me to move beyond my fear and be vulnerable when I realize that I can love and accept me for honoring my truth.  For showing up authentically.  Not pretending.

Another example is communication.  Sometimes taking the risk to reach out to another person can feel scary.  What if they are busy, what if they don’t want to hear from you, what if they feel you are pushy, what if they reject you.  When you reach out in alignment with your truth without an expectation of an outcome, and share from a place of your truth and your own love for yourself, you can move beyond your fear.  From a place of accepting yourself and not rejecting yourself.  Yes you are being vulnerable and opening yourself up.  But you aren’t fearful of an outcome because there is no expectation of an outcome.

You get to decide about your journey of growth.  How much are you willing to do new things beyond your comfort zone if it means greater rewards in your life?

It’s like if you live in an old mansion that has the potential for so much beauty but it’s true beauty isn’t shining through.  You begin to refinish the floors and strip the old paint and apply new paint.  You lived here a long time and the old paint and floors are so comfortable because they are so familiar.  It can feel exciting while feeling unfamiliar.  Letting go of your old beliefs that are holding you back from growing can feel this way too.  Exciting but unfamiliar.  Uncomfortable to let them go because you are so used to them that they feel safe.

What is standing in your way on continuing of your journey of growth?  What beliefs are you holding that aren’t allowing you to move forward?  What fears are keeping you stuck?  I would love to hear in the comments below.