Debbie Gail Zane

Is your relationship full of expectations?  Is what you or your partner do or say based on obligations?

Maybe you are not even aware this is happening.

But ask yourself…do you place expectations on yourself for how you need to show up, do you place expectations on him, and do you feel like he has expectations of you?

We can’t control other people and having expectations is a form of control.  And it also sets us up for disappointment.  Expectations will never make us happy.  We can never truly know another person’s expectations.

When we act from a place of expectation or obligation, we are acting based on fear.     Fear makes us try to control, but we have no control over anyone other than ourselves.

Fear that if we don’t do something, we will be rejected.  That if we don’t say or do what he wants or we feel he expects, he will not love us.  He will leave.

We lose touch with our love in our heart when we act based on expectations.  We disconnect from our love for ourselves and therefore also from our love for him.  We don’t act because we feel inspired since we are not connected with our love.

When this happens, a relationship can break down.

You see, what makes you feel happy is your connection with your love.  The love inside you.  Doing things out of obligation will not make you feel happy…over time you may even feel resentful.  And your partner cannot know all of your expectations to fulfill all of your happiness.  You have to be able to fulfill your happiness.  To connect with your self love.

You can turn your relationship around by letting go of your fear and not allowing it to run your life.  Commitment to love and not fear is the answer to your own happiness…in your life and in your relationship.

If you want to learn how to move beyond your fear and connect with your love, and have the relationship you desire, reach out to me for a free 20 minute clarity call.  I have specials on private coaching packages and my four month group coaching program.

Hold close to your heart what is dear to you.

This includes your emotions, values and desires.

One way to do this is by honoring yourself in your relationship.

It all begins by gaining clarity on how you want a relationship to look and feel for you and then connecting with this vision.

Without clarity surrounding your vision, it is hard to know when to speak up and it is hard to know if the relationship is the right one for you.

For example if you know you desire to feel good, secure, loved and have your feelings cherished, you can evaluate if these are your predominant feelings in the relationship.

In order to honor yourself, when something is happening and you are no longer feeling good, secure, loved, cherished, you may need to take action.  Action from a place of loving yourself and holding your emotions, values and desires dear to your heart.

Action may involve speaking up and sharing your feelings and implementing boundaries.

Only you can weigh the positives and negatives in your relationship and decide whether it is the right relationship for you.

No relationship is perfect and no person is perfect, but if someone is putting you down, criticizing you, making you feel uncomfortable…honor yourself and your desire to feel the way you want to in your relationship.

You have the choice of whether to surround yourself with people who make you feel safe and loved, or who make you feel bad and unsafe.

The more you surround yourself with those who blame you and make you feel unsafe, the more you may begin to doubt yourself and your self esteem is at risk.  The more you will lose your connection with how amazing you are.

Surround yourself with those who are kind and loving and accept you for who you are.

Because it’s your life and you get to choose who you share it with.