Debbie Gail Zane

Tomorrow is a special day of celebrating motherhood.

For those who have a child that has mental illness or addiction and/or are struggling in your relationship with your child, I know this day can bring up painful emotions for you.

Take some time for you.  Maybe that is doing something that feels soothing for your pain.  Maybe that is simply allowing your feelings and giving them space.  Or even journaling because writing can be therapeutic.

When you have other children you will spend time with on Mother’s Day, taking this time for your own grief first is so important and will allow you to be there for them.

See your child in a new light. If your child has mental illness or addiction, holding the space for your child.  Seeing them as a whole person, not just their illness or addiction, and connecting with their soul, who they truly are.  It may help to write them a letter, even if you don’t give the letter to them.

On this special day to honor you, remember that whatever is happening you are loved and you are not alone.  You are truly a gift, remember that always.

Wherever you are in your journey as a mom, acknowledge yourself for being the beautiful mom you are.  Thank yourself for doing the best you are able.

Sending love and light,

Debbie

This time of year is one of the most challenging for me since my oldest son Alex passed away three years ago.  This will be my third Christmas without him here physically.  I know he is always with me, but that doesn’t stop the deep desire to have him back on earth and to be able to hug him.

I know there are so many others out there grieving the loss of a loved one, and I see you.

It is important to give space to your grief.  Doing what is right for you.  Honor yourself and your emotions and what you need right now.  Sometimes for me that is journaling, sometimes meditation.  And spending time connecting with loved ones.

It also helps me to do something meaningful or that honors Alex. Visiting his grave and bringing flowers, talking out loud to him about memories that come to my mind, writing a letter to him.  This year I started a new tradition where we will all write notes to Alex and put them in his stocking.  I also started getting ornaments for the tree that remind me of him or something he loved.

Other things you can do are lighting a candle for your loved one as a symbol of your love and remembrance, setting a place at the holiday table, having everyone share about a memory, cooking one of their favorite dishes.

Remind yourself that your loved one lives within you, they will always live in your heart.

And it’s okay if you don’t feel up to the traditional festivities, give yourself permission to do what is right for you.

My heart is with every one of you that is grieving.

Sending love and light,

Debbie

This time of year can be difficult when you have a child with mental illness or addiction.  Maybe you are wondering how things will go, since there can be varying degrees of unpredictability. 

In the midst of so much uncertainty, the one thing you can do is to give yourself some certainty.  

This can be quite calming because it is something you have control over.  

Because when you focus on trying to control what you have no control over, this will produce more anxiety and stress.  

So, what can you do to give yourself certainty?  Anything that you know you can count on.  Here are some examples – 

Take some time for yourself and do a meditation in the morning and remind yourself to take a few minutes during the day to repeat a part of the meditation if you need to.  

Spend some time journaling in the morning before you celebrate with family, and know that you can return to your journal for brief periods throughout the day if it feels helpful.  

Make yourself a healthy juice or smoothie in the morning and save some extra in the refrigerator to return to throughout the day.  

These are just a few examples, but plan now and come up with some things you can do to take care of yourself and provide yourself with some certainty, stability, and calm.

Wishing you a very happy holiday!

Sending love and light, 

Debbie