Debbie Gail Zane

Are you living your life based on fear or love?

Which are you committed to energetically?

Next time you do something for your partner or anyone in your life, ask yourself if you are doing it because it makes you feel good to do it and it’s from a place of love?  Or if you’re doing it because you feel obligated…you feel the other person expects it of you?

If it’s the second, you are living from a space of fear not love.

What do I mean?

Relationships that are based on love have no expectations and no obligations and no judgments.  You are there because you want to be, not because you need to be.  You are there because you love this person the way they are, not because you love the person you want them to be.

When you live from the space of love, you do not have expectations of others.  And you don’t feel obligated to do things for them.  You do things out of love, not fear.

Love and fear don’t live in the same space.

Fear can be of not being good enough, of rejection, of being judged, of others’ opinions or negative thoughts or words.

When you alter your behavior because of any of these, you are acting from fear and not love.

To have a love based relationship, you do things…you show up in a certain way…because you want to.  Because you feel inspired to.  Because it makes you happy to make the other person happy.  There is no fear that controls your behavior.  You don’t have expectations because your own happiness comes from inside of you.  Not from what others think about or say about you.

Several people have commented lately that my energy is so positive and I’m such a happy person.

I haven’t always been this way.  But I learned that I do have the power to choose how I want to live my life and I have the power over my own happiness.

How?

Whenever possible I choose to focus on what is positive…what is good, what makes me happy, what I’m grateful for, what I do have…basically I am appreciative for and focus on the abundance in my life.

Does this mean there are only good things and this won’t work if there are things that are not so good?  Not at all.  It’s just that I choose what and who I want to give my energy to.

If someone is treating me in a negative way in my life, I do not need to give that person my energy…not just my interaction energy but I don’t need to turn my thoughts towards that person…especially someone not deserving of it.

I have seen this happening with others around me…they feel stressed and down because they are spending their time focusing on someone who is treating them badly and trying to get that person to stop this behavior.

When you focus on another person and you focus on trying to change them or get them to do something or stop doing something, you will always be unhappy.

This is the wrong focus.

Happiness comes from within you.  You have the power over your thoughts and energy and happiness.

If you give this power to another person, you will be disappointed.

You can’t stop another person from acting in a certain way but you can choose to stop giving them your attention and focus, and put the focus back on you.

What can you do to preserve your own inner peace….This should be your focus.  Your actions and thoughts should be on this.  What can you appreciate and be grateful for in your life?  What positive things can you do in a situation?

The answer to your own happiness never comes from trying to make someone be or act or not be or act a certain way.

The answer to your happiness is always returning to your own inner self…the right question is what can I do right now to make me feel good?  Not how can I make this other person do or not do this or that.

Yes of course other people will still do things that affect you but you have a choice as to what you accept as your stuff and what you can be supportive about while still allowing it to be theirs.

It is not your job to fix or change other people.  And you can’t, no matter how hard you try.

You can offer your love and support…but know once you focus on trying to make someone else fit into a mold of who you want them to be or how you want them to behave you will feel unhappy and disappointed.

Don’t have expectations of others, but of course anyone who doesn’t respect you or treat you well doesn’t need to be in your life, doesn’t deserve your energy.

It’s your job to stay in your own good energy.  To make yourself happy.  Doing this will not only make you feel happier but will attract more positive experiences for you.  It will also inspire those around you and those open to it will absorb your good energy and raise their vibration too.

So why am I happier?

I focus on me.  I am supportive and loving to those close to me.  I stay in my own energy.  I know the answer to my happiness lies within me and by living my life based on my love for myself and others but not based on expectations or obligations from others.  It is the love within me that makes me feel happy.

The love within you and the love coming out of you comes from loving yourself.  Many people think they love themselves but deep down they really truly don’t.  As a coach I have helped many women transform their lives and relationships by re discovering and connecting with the love within them.  Yes…the love within you…you were born with this love and it was lost along the way.