Debbie Gail Zane

If you want to take a step towards a more loving relationship with your teen/adult child, begin with thinking of all the things you love about them.

And if right now you are having some difficulties with conflict, communication, or whatever it is, I do understand this could be difficult at first.

But think back to when they first came into the world… how you felt.

Think about their presence in your life over the last fifteen, twenty, or more years as a gift.

Think of everything that you love about them since they have been in your life, even if you are at odds now.

I know it is hard when your child has mental illness or addiction, as right now nothing in your relationship with them may seem positive.

But if you want a more loving relationship with them, you can begin the process by sending love to them even from afar. And connecting with their soul, who they truly are deep down.

Let me know how this feels for you.

Sending love and light,

Debbie

Are you stuck in grieving the loss of the way life used to be prior to your child’s mental illness or addiction?

If so, I hear you, as I have been there too.

I remember when all the childhood memories came flooding back to me, the happy easy joyful times where life felt more normal. Before mental illness took over my oldest son’s mind. Before addiction.

I know this is a hard place to be, stuck in wishing life would go back to the way it was prior to their mental illness or addiction, missing those times from the past, feeling alone because other parents around you are leading “normal” lives with their children.

One place you may be stuck is denial. Denial is a natural part of what you’re going through in coming to terms with the fact that your child’s illness or addiction has caused a huge change and things are different now than they used to be.

Denial can appear in many ways, such as continuing to feel there must be some mistake and your child isn’t really ill, not wanting to talk about what is happening, or keeping busy to avoid feeling your difficult emotions.

Another place you may be stuck is in anger. Anger at yourself, your child, their illness, the doctor, or at life in general.

Or you may be feeling stuck in sadness about what is happening with your child. Not feeling hopeful about the future.

Learning to live with your child’s illness or addiction requires acceptance. You no longer feel paralyzed by denial, anger, or sadness. You accept the reality of what is happening. You can still be sad, but you are no longer stuck.  You are able to feel peace.

Let me know where you are in your journey.

Sending love and light,

Debbie

When you focus on what you don’t want to happen, you begin living as if that thing you don’t want is already happening.

For example, if you are up all night worrying that your teen or adult child will stop their medication and go into a psychotic state, you are living your life as if they have already stopped. You are spending your time in fear, anxiety, overwhelm. It is in your energy that they are off the medication. You are focusing on how to deal with their psychosis. You are fearing they may need to return to the hospital. You are wondering how you will get them to go there if they need it. You can’t enjoy that they are more clear and functional right now because you are not in the right now, you are completely in the what if’s that you fear for the future.

Focusing on what you fear is not going to help you in any way. There is no benefit. It won’t prepare you but will only cause you to live as if what you are fearing is happening now and it will rob you of enjoyment of them. It will rob you of any peace in your life. You spend more time in the state living with what you don’t want because you are living there even when things are going okay.

What can you focus on instead? Focus on what you want. The direction you want to go in life. The peace you want to live in.

Focusing on what you want versus on what you fear will bring you more peace. And it allows you to hold that space for something positive for your child.

What are you focusing on?

Sending love and light,

Debbie