Debbie Gail Zane

Part of finding peace in your life is accepting your own limitations of not being able to fix your teen or young adult child’s mental illness or addiction.

As a parent, you may think you should be able to fix or control what happens with your son or daughter.

You may see yourself as responsible for their behaviors, their choices, their decisions.

This may lead to becoming frustrated with yourself.

And frustration will not lead to peace for yourself. And it will not lead to peace in your relationship with your child.

Instead, practice self-compassion. Be gentle with yourself. Be kind to yourself. Be patient with yourself.

Realize your limitations – that you have no control over people other than yourself.

As you are more compassionate with yourself, you can let go of being the “victim”.

When you do this, you can choose to take responsibility for your own life and realize that having peace is a result of your own decisions about your yourself and how you live your life.

You have a choice of whether to blame yourself for not being able to fix your child’s illness or addiction OR whether to make a decision to have compassion for yourself, practice self-love and self-care, and discover what you can do to bring joy into your life.

If you have been struggling to find peace, let me know in the comments.

Sending love and light,

Debbie

If you feel stressed during interactions with your teen or young adult child and it seems like you are fighting against each other when it comes to their mental illness or addiction, you are not alone.

Often they do not see things the same way you do.

You start off on the same side… both going to battle against their illness so they can have a good life.

But somehow things shift and you feel like you are at war against each other.

When this happens, it is important to remember that they do not have the same emotional capacity as you due to their illness.

You want them to be happy. They want that too but they don’t see the path to get there, even when you tell them what they need.

While you can’t make them do things your way, you can work on having a more positive experience with them.

I know it’s so hard when it feels like the war is against you. But what really is happening is that you are there and a safe person and they are angry at their illness, their predicament.

If the thought of spending time with them makes you feel stressed and anxious, your brain is likely fixated on how things have been each of these difficult times.

So, before spending time together, try this: Visualize in your mind what your ideal time together would look like. What would you be doing together? How would you feel? Imagine a lighter conversation than the normal heavy conversation and maybe even see yourself smiling at the joy of being with your child and how nice it feels. Keep doing this visualization often until it becomes as familiar as your memory of being at odds with each other.

If this is something you are struggling with, let me know in the comments.

Sending love and light,

Debbie

If your teen or young adult is suffering from mental illness or addiction, acceptance is integral to finding peace in your life.

Why?

If your child is struggling with something, this means it is already happening. It is the current reality.

Until you accept what is happening, your brain continues to fight against it. You use your energy towards not wanting this, instead of handling it.

Continuing to fight against reality will not make the illness or addiction go away but it will rob you of being present in your life.

This means you will miss out on experiencing joy in things like spending time with your child or other loved ones, friends, or doing activities you once enjoyed.

Acceptance will allow you to…

Have more peace because you are no longer experiencing the inner turmoil associated with fighting against reality

Use your energy for more positive things

Become more resourceful because it frees up your energy from things you can’t change to things you can

Be present so you can enjoy the moments with your child

Have a greater understanding and compassion for your child’s situation

Find joy in your day

If you are struggling to find joy in the moments you are spending doing something positive, consider that you have not accepted what is happening now.

Acceptance does not mean you want or like whatever is happening. And it does not mean you can’t help your child with their struggles. It means you are acknowledging the facts of a situation and not focusing your energy on why it shouldn’t be that way.

Accepting reality can be freeing because the inner turrmoil is no longer there.

Acceptance is the foundation for growth.

I would love to hear how you are practicing acceptance or where you are struggling with it.

Sending love and light,

Debbie