Debbie Gail Zane

How many times do you stay in a relationship that isn’t right for you?

There are several reasons this can happen-

  you are not being honest with yourself…about the situation, your emotions.  You see the world through your own lens so it is important to figure out what is the truth.

facing the truth is too painful…you’ve been denying your real emotions for so long that you are not even sure how to allow yourself to feel all of your emotions.

a scarcity mindset…not believing that there are other men out there that will be attracted to you and with whom you can create a beautiful relationship.  This is the mindset of there are not enough men and so you need to hold tight to whatever you have even if it’s not right for you because there will never be anyone else.

low self worth…not believing you are worthy of better treatment, or of having a man who truly respects you and values you.  Maybe your partner is buying nice gifts for you even though he is trying to change you and doesn’t seem to respect you…when you don’t believe you are worthy of better treatment you will feel you need to settle.

fear keeps you stuck…fear there will not be love out there.  This can happen when you do not have enough self love and you are constantly searching for love outside yourself.  When the love is dependent on others, and not coming from within you, you may constantly live in fear it will be taken away and you will not be able to find more.  The fear keeps you stuck in a relationship based on fear, not love.

I write this post because this is something I see often as a coach.  And it makes me sad to see people struggling in a relationship that clearly isn’t right for them.

Now sometimes, of course, you may not feel happy or loved in your relationship because of your own stuff and it’s not because the man isn’t treating you well or respecting you or right for you.

How can you know?  This is why inner work is so important because you need to be able to be truthful with yourself and others, let go of and forgive past hurts and injustices, and truly love yourself.

When you are in a relationship with a partner who is right for you, certain things are present-

you both respect each other…each other’s feelings and thoughts…and therefore you don’t try to change or control him and he doesn’t try to change or control you

you are in a relationship based on love, not fear…and therefore you do not do things because you are expected to, you do them out of love…and you don’t have huge expectations and demands of your partner, as you feel love and happiness because of you, not what he needs to do.

Are you looking for commitment from others and finding yourself wondering why you’re attracting people who don’t seem to want to commit?

This is the time to look within yourself. Are you committing to you?

Do you set an intention for yourself and follow through?

Do you commit to making plans with others and for yourself ahead of time and stick to them?

Do you commit to showing up for yourself when you feel down, sad, hurt?

Do you commit to getting to know yourself on a deeper level…what makes you feel good and meets your needs for love, connection, certainty?

Do you commit to investing in getting to know others and learning about their needs?

Do you commit to your own growth?

It all begins with you. Your mindset. Your beliefs, thoughts and actions. If you do not have a commitment mindset it is harder to attract people in your life with a commitment mindset.

What can you do?

Begin with you, as so many things begin with you.

What is one thing in your life you can identify that you would like to commit to? Set an intention, right now.

To help you stick to it, identity why this area is important to you. What will you gain? How will you feel if you commit to this? What will your life look like and how will it improve?

What beliefs are preventing you from moving forward with this and how can you change them? So many times we are not even aware that our beliefs are blocking us from manifesting our desires.

When you can imagine and visualize and really feel how your life will look and feel by creating or doing something you desire, it becomes easier to believe in it and commit to it.