Debbie Gail Zane

You CAN find inner peace – even during these turbulent times for your teen/young adult child.

I know when your child has mental illness or addiction you can become consumed by fear.

And peace may be the furthest thing from your mind.

Maybe there are times when your fear subsides and you feel some temporary peace because your child is doing well, but you do not have to wait for your child to be doing well to find peace.

If I had waited to feel relief from fear and worry only during these periods when my son was doing well, I would have spent most of my days living in fear and worry.

But I had a choice, and you do too.

When you make a conscious decision to prioritize your emotional well-being and not be consumed by your fear, everything can shift for you.

You can begin to let go of control (which you don’t actually have control over others).

You can begin to manage your emotions.

You can begin to live in faith.

Living in peace may feel like something that is not attainable, but it begins with moment to moment awareness, loving yourself, and rewriting your story.

And by finding that inner peace yourself – you can be the best possible support system for your child.

Sending love and light,

Debbie

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Keeping the lines of communication open can be critical when your teen or young adult is suffering from mental illness or addiction.

It is important to be that safe space for them to come to, no matter what they are dealing with.

Here are some tips for being that safe space for them:

• Be a good listener.  As a parent, it can be easy to forget to be a good listener.  You may be so busy talking about what you want them to do and not do or what you think about something that happened, that you forget about listening.  Listening allows them to feel seen and heard and improves your connection, ultimately improving your relationship.  And when you let go of the need to fix things, you send a message that you trust them to figure things out.

• Let go of the judgment.  Judging can be with your words but it doesn’t have to be.  It can also be with body language, such as rolling your eyes, crossing your arms tightly, or sighing.  When you validate some of your child’s feelings they are experiencing (the ones you agree with) and minimize others, you are placing your own judgment on which circumstances are worthy of these feelings.  Let them know that you understand whatever they are feeling is real.

• Offer your support without trying to control.  They may just want to know you are there to listen and are a loving support in their life.

When you listen without judgment and give your unconditional love, your teen or young adult is much more likely to come to you in difficult situations.  They will trust you and feel safe.

Sending love and light,

Debbie

When your child has a mental illness or addiction, life is not the same as before their illness.  It is likely that not only are you experiencing new challenges, but you are seeing differences in your child.

His or her actions, behaviors, abilities, things they enjoy, and how they relate to the world may be different than before.

You may have been suddenly thrown into this new way of living and become caught up in the struggles.

In order to fully accept what is happening, their illness, the new changes, you may need to grieve the loss of who they were before their illness.

This was true for me…when my son was still living, many childhood memories came flooding back and I began mourning the loss of who he was prior to becoming ill. At first I went through sadness as I remembered these moments, but then I was able to fully embrace all of him…the whole person, including how things were then and feeling connected to the sweetness and kindness of his soul.

Whether your child has been recently diagnosed with an illness or has an addiction, or whether it’s been quite a while, grieving this loss may help you come full circle to accepting the changes and connecting with their heart.

Let me know if this resonates with you.

Sending love and light,

Debbie

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