Debbie Gail Zane

If you have a child with mental illness or addiction, you may be living in fear.

Fear of the unknown.

Fear of something negative happening.

Even when things seem to be going better, you may be worrying about when the next thing will happen (fear the next show will drop).

When you are so focused on the fear, it is hard to be present enjoying any aspect of your life, including your moments with your children.

Behind the fear is the need for certainty.

Certainty of how things will go, certainty your child will be okay, certainty that things will stop being so unpredictable.

However, there isn’t certainty here, and when you focus all your energy on this, you will feel fear.

What can you do?

• You can meet your need for certainty in other ways such as a daily self care routine for you…meditation, journaling, prayer…anything that you can count on that you will do for yourself regularly will help meet your need for certainty
• Focusing more on something other than certainty, for example focus on loving your child, building a strong emotional connection with them, contributing to their growth and lives, contributing to your family or others lives, self growth. What you focus on will determine your emotions.

I would love to know how you are dealing with your fear as a parent.

Sending love and light,

Debbie

If you have a child who is suffering from depression or is struggling in any way with their mental health or addiction, it is important to your relationship with your child to remember:

They are suffering from an illness

It is not anyone’s fault, no one is to blame…not them, not you

They are not their illness…they are a separate whole person

Their illness doesn’t define them

Sometimes it can feel difficult when your teen or young adult child takes a different path from the one you would like for them.

I know, as I have been there with my oldest son.

When you try to take control, you may feel frustrated and begin to  realize you can’t make them do things your way.

Maybe you are even feeling worn down in this struggle to try to change your child.

You see, really you don’t have control over someone other than yourself.

Focusing on controlling someone or something you have no control over can also drain your energy.

So, what can you do?

You can shift your focus from trying to control to two things instead:

 You can inspire, advocate for them, guide them, teach them

 You can spend your energy on the love – loving your child and loving yourself

Sending love and light,

Debbie

If you are a parent going through a challenge with your teen or young adult child, especially if they have mental illness or are using drugs, join my Facebook group Loving Parents Navigating Challenges here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/3075560526105218/