Debbie Gail Zane

Have you ever let your child’s bad mood affect your own mood?

This can be especially tough when they are suffering from mental illness or dealing with addiction and their moods seem to go up and down frequently. When they are down, you feel down. When they are stressed, you feel stressed.

Well just like their emotional state can have an impact on yours, you can have an impact on theirs.

This is good news because if you can raise your vibration, you can positively impact your communication and your relationship.

Have you ever heard someone say a smile is contagious?

Smile more, laugh more, seek out the joy in the mundane, seek out the good in a difficult situation. It impacts not only your own energy, but those around you.

Be the light that guides your child to the positive by example.

If this feels difficult, I learned from Tony Robbins that what you focus on you feel. So if you want to feel sad, angry, or frustrated you can stay focused on what isn’t going the way you want. But if you want to feel happy, hopeful, joyful, focus on something that brings you the positive emotions you want to feel.

I would love to know how if this resonates with you.

Sending love and light,

Debbie

How many times do you feel frustrated or even angry with your teen or adult child who has mental illness and/or addiction?

Of course you love him or her dearly, but you are human, and sometimes they may lash out at you or make decisions you don’t agree with or do things you don’t like or want them to do, so you get upset or frustrated.

What is important to know is you do not have to stay in those feelings.

Yes, you have them and that is perfectly okay and human.

Give yourself love and compassion. Remind yourself you are human. Remind yourself you do not need to stay in these feelings.

When you stay in them long, they are harmful to you emotionally, and also to your relationship because they hinder your ability to have compassion for your child.

Compassion is so important for your child to feel that you understand them. It allows them to really feel your love. It allows you to approach conversations and interactions differently than you would if you stayed in anger or frustration.

So how can you move away from your feelings of frustration or anger?

You can replace these feelings with some positive emotions. I like appreciation and gratitude. If you can think of the things you can appreciate and feel grateful for and connect to those things and moments, you may feel your frustration and anger slipping away. In fact, it is difficult to feel your anger and frustration if you are actively feeling appreciation and gratitude.

I would love to hear how you handle these emotions and how it is impacting you.

Sending love and light,

Debbie

I know you probably hear a lot about self-love, but loving yourself and taking good care of yourself is especially important when you are a parent or caregiver struggling with a teen or adult child with mental illness and addiction.

Why –

Self-love allows you to live with an open heart and connect to your child’s heart

The basis for your relationship with yourself and with others, including your child, is love and in order to give love to others and allow love into your heart, you need to have self-love which will allow you to have an open heart

In order to be a caregiver for your child, you need to take good care of yourself

Here are some suggestions for practicing self-love –

Self-compassion – be gentle, kind and patient with yourself, realize your limitations, and don’t blame yourself for not being able to fix your child’s illness

Forgiveness of yourself and your child allows you to prioritize your relationship and your own healing and well-being

Setting boundaries with love to protect your emotional well-being and allow you to trust yourself to be prepared to handle challenges

Staying true to your authentic self

Honoring your needs and not neglecting them

Good self-care – taking care of you on a physical, emotional, spiritual, energy level

Action step – make a list of how you can honor your needs during challenging times.  Feel free to share here

Sending love and light,

Debbie