Debbie Gail Zane

It is a very emotional day for me and I am literally crying tears of gratitude- today I received the author copies of my book!!!

After losing my twenty-six year old son nine years after his battle with mental illness and addiction began, I was called to write this book to share my story of the love and loss of my son through his mental illness and addiction, with the hope that it would help other parents who have a child with mental illness or addiction or who have lost a child.

Holding my book in my hands feels amazing and connects me with my son, through whom I received everything I needed to write this book. He has been right here with me on this journey to bring my story to life.

Join me on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100021353857859 on Tuesday, May 9 for my book launch where I will be doing a series of lives during the afternoon and evening, talking about my book, answering questions, and speaking with special guests.

Sending love and light,

Debbie

When you are so often focused on the challenges that arise with your teen or adult child, it is easy for self love and self care to become neglected.

If you don’t take care of you and give yourself love too, you will have a harder time showing up for your child.

You will not feel good and won’t bring your best self to meet the challenges.

If you aren’t giving yourself enough love, you may take things personally, become judgmental of yourself (and of others), and have a harder time giving.

To start, try these-

 Become aware of how you are speaking to yourself. For example, if negative inner voices surface, telling you that you aren’t a good parent or that your child’s illness or addiction or things they do are your fault, work on catching these quickly and replacing them with something positive (see next point)

 Make a habit of speaking to yourself in a compassionate manner.  For example “I’m doing the best I can with what I know how.” “I’m loving my child with all my heart.”

 Honor your needs and don’t neglect them.  This will help prevent you from feeling resentful or angry, since you are giving yourself what you need. For example, making some time to read, meditate, take a walk in nature, or speak with a close friend, can make a huge difference in your wellbeing.

 Forgive yourself when you feel you didn’t handle things the way you thought you should have. If you find yourself getting caught up in what you thought you should have done differently, this is your cue to forgive yourself and let go of that thought. This will allow you to bring your best self toward moving forward.

What are you doing to take care of you?

Sending love and light,

Debbie

Often times we have a story about what life with our children should look like.  It may be based on our own childhood, values or teachings from our parents, or from observing others around us.

When you have a child with mental illness or addiction, life with your child may not look like that story.

And each time you think about the fact that life does not look the way you had hoped or expected, you may feel any number of difficult emotions such as sadness, frustration, upset, disappointment, etc.

You may look around you at friends, cousins, siblings, and see their child going off to college, getting a job, getting married and even becoming a parent, and become sad because you may feel this would not happen for your child.

This happened to me. I knew these things weren’t going to be part of my oldest son’s reality due to his illness. I knew I could hold tight to the vision I had and continuously feel sad and even blame myself.  Instead, I chose to change my expectations to match my reality.

Changing my expectations of what life should look like meant I needed to rewrite my story.  My story I likely got from expectations growing up and seeing the experiences of friends’ children.

I slowly began to believe in, relate to, and accept my new story, and as I did this, my body and mind felt more balanced.

What is your story and does it match what life looks like?

In my book, Finding Peace amidst the Tears, I not only share the struggles I went through with my oldest son’s mental illness and addiction, I share how I dealt with these challenges and also how I rewrote my story to something that felt true and positive and how this helped me on my journey towards finding peace.

I’m excited that my book will be out in May! Through sharing my story of the love and loss of my son through his mental illness and addiction, my hope is for my book to help parents on a similar journey feel they are not alone and give them hope for peace and healing and the inspiration to go on.

Sending love and light,

Debbie