If you feel stressed during interactions with your teen or adult child and it seems like you are fighting against each other when it comes to their mental illness or addiction, you are not alone.
Often they do not see things the same way you do.
You start off on the same side… both going to battle against their illness so they can have a good life.
But somehow things shift and you feel like you are at war against each other.
When this happens, it is important to remember that they do not have the same emotional capacity as you due to their illness.
You want them to be happy. They want that too but they don’t see the path to get there, even when you tell them what they need.
While you can’t make them do things your way, you can work on having a more positive experience with them.
I know it’s so hard when it feels like the war is against you. But what really is happening is that you are there and a safe person and they are angry at their illness, their predicament.
Also, if to them it feels like every interaction and conversation is about their illness or addiction, they will eventually tune out. There needs to be more to your relationship than their illness.
Get to know them better. What are their interests/hobbies? What do you have in common with them? How can you incorporate your commonalities into your communications with them?
Put yourself in their shoes – thinking about things from what you know about their personality, values, and emotions.
If the thought of spending time with them makes you feel stressed and anxious, your brain is likely fixated on how things have been during each of these difficult times.
So, before spending time together, try this: Visualize in your mind what your ideal time together would look like. What would you be doing together? How would you feel? Imagine a lighter conversation than the normal heavy conversation and maybe even see yourself smiling at the joy of being with your child and how nice it feels. Keep doing this visualization often until it becomes as familiar as your memory of being at odds with each other.
Are you struggling with the challenges of having a son or daughter with mental illness or addiction? I have developed a unique process which provides holistic tools and strategies for navigating grief, loss, pain, hopelessness, overwhelm, and fear that can result from this experience. In my coaching program I walk with you on your journey, helping you regain your natural emotional resilience and self love and find peace and purpose in your life. This almost always positively impacts your relationship with your child. To find out more, the link is in the comments.
Sending love and light,
Debbie