So many times we have an idea of how we want things to happen, especially in relationships. When we are so focused on how we want something to look, and we direct all our energy towards this, it becomes an expectation. And then when it doesn’t happen as we want or expect, we feel sad, disappointed, angry…and immediately our vibe dips.
We get into a negative cycle where we live in our expectation energy, he feels this and becomes distant or his energy isn’t coming towards you as much, your vibe dips, you have expectations…and the cycle repeats.
Expectations in a relationship can be about how much time your partner spends with you, how the time is spent, gifts he gives you, what he plans to celebrate your birthday or a holiday, spending a weekend together versus his spending it with friends or working, vacations.
Anything where you have specific thoughts and feelings about what must happen in order to feel good, in order to feel loved.
These expectations are based on our inner rules. Rules are like your automatic settings for your emotions. You take in information and something within you is triggered. For example, you want to feel loved by your man and very specific things may need to happen in order for you to feel this. Maybe you need daily hugs or him to spend every weekend with you. Then when he does something different from this, it’s easy to get upset when the emotion you want to feel isn’t getting triggered. It may even happen unconsciously…you are expecting him to take you out for dinner Friday after a long work week and when he comes home and lies down for a nap you feel disappointed.
You assume you feel disappointed or upset or unloved because of someone doing something or not doing something to or for you, but really it’s about your own expectations, your own inner rules.
We all have these, and to break this negative cycle you need to become aware of these rules and expectations. Really understand these unconscious triggers otherwise how you respond will result in the opposite actions from what you desire. You can then choose a different thought and emotion. For example, you can choose warmth and love for yourself and your partner. You can choose trust. You can choose to see that his being exhausted after a long work week and going to bed doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you. You can choose to recognize that he loves you and wants to make you happy and trust him to plan a lovely holiday no matter what he plans for the holiday.
Choosing a different and more loving response for yourself will allow you to let go of your expectation energy and increase your vibe, breaking the negative cycle. Your energy is powerful and he will feel the shift. You will no longer be pushing him away with your expectation energy.
Are you feeling stuck in a relationship that isn’t working for you? Maybe you know deep down that it doesn’t feel right. Or maybe he has even left the relationship and you can’t figure out why you can’t let him go. When you are hanging on to a man who is not treating you well or whose energy is inconsistent or who is not able to give you the commitment you desire, there are two primary reasons this may be happening.
As children maybe you were told to dream big. As adults do you ever wonder why your drams have not come true? What if you could figure out what was stopping you from achieving all your desires and making all your dreams come true? After all, we all have unlimited potential.