Debbie Gail Zane

Your needs matter. You may read this statement and say “of course they do.” But how many times do you put everyone else’s needs before your own?

Maybe you are exhausted and don’t fee like going out but when your best friend calls and asks you to help her pick out a dress, you go rather than saying you don’t feel up to it. Maybe your boyfriend asks you to come over because he is tired and doesn’t feel up to driving, so you go there even though you yourself are feeling tired and know you need to go to sleep early so you can get up for work early the next morning. Or you and your partner go out to a party and you worry about whether he is having a good time instead of focusing on whether you are having a good time.

When your needs don’t matter to you, they are not going to matter to others. It all starts with you. One of the biggest ways you can show yourself love is to honor your needs. When you put everyone’s needs above your own, you are not loving yourself and you are telling the universe loud and clear that your needs are not important.

Maybe at some point in your life you were taught to deny your needs. Maybe as a child or in a prior relationship you did not feel heard and at some point decided your needs were not worth honoring. Or growing up you were always told it was selfish to not put everyone else’s needs above your own.

Well, I’m here to tell you that your needs are important. This is a huge part of self love. Loving yourself enough to know that your needs matter.

And when you can’t take care of you and love yourself in this way, you are not bringing your best self to a relationship. You are not being your authentic self. You are being the person you feel others want you to be and this is never going to be the way to having a happy healthy relationship.

When you don’t honor your needs in a relationship, your partner will not either. The worldmirrors back our energy. Once you start to respect your own needs, he will too.

What does this look like? It can mean speaking up when something does not feel good to you. For example, if consistent communication is important to you in a relationship, this can mean sharing this and sharing how you feel when you don’t hear from him. It can mean speaking up when something is important to you such as the need to be heard…letting him know it would feel good for him to just listen when you want to share something.

You cannot make someone else do something, but you can be true to yourself and speak up, not from the energy of controlling but from the energy of sharing yourself and what feels good to you. And you can let a man know how good you do feel when he does pay attention to your needs.

We all have a need for both certainty and uncertainty in our lives and in our relationships.

These needs may be fulfilled in different ways for different people.

Sometimes in a relationship it’s the need for certainty that creates stress or anxiety when it’s not being met.

Think about what meets your need for certainty in a relationship. For some women, certainty in a relationship may look like feeling safe to share something vulnerable with your partner. For others, it may look like financial security. Or certainty that your relationship is moving forward. Or feeling certain that you are loved.

There may be times in your relationship when you feel like your need for certainty isn’t being met. Instead of feeling triggered and allowing your vibration to dip, look at how you can meet your own needs for certainty in other areas of your life. Think about something you can do regularly each day for yourself. How can you show up for yourself in a regular and loving way. Make a commitment to yourself to add one or more daily rituals to meet your need for certainty. What stabilizing activities can you do daily? Make this commitment for the week and at the end of the week see if you want to make the same commitment.

Some things that help meet my need for certainty in my life are going to my favorite coffee shop for coffee every day on my way to work, doing several visualizations every night before bed, and going to yoga after work each evening and on weekend mornings.

Celebrate yourself for meeting your needs in this way.

When you start to meet your own needs, your partner will mirror this. When you prioritize your needs in this way, he will respond by prioritizing your needs.

How can you meet your need for certainty in your daily life? Make the commitment to make meeting your own needs a priority.

Want to manifest more love in your life? Take notice of what you are focusing on. Whatever you are focusing on, this is where your energy is going. And this is what the universe is mirroring back to you.

Are you focusing on what is there or on what is missing? On what is going well or on what is not working? On hope or on fear? Take a moment and notice where you are focusing your energy on a regular basis and whether this is serving you and your relationship.

If you want to manifest more love but you are more connected to your fears or to what is not working in your love life, this is exactly what you will manifest ore of.

What you focus on is what attracts your experiences in your life. When you want more good experiences, focus on what is there and what is good. Not on what is missing or not working. If you are putting your energy towards what is missing and what is negative, you will create more of this.

Manifesting more love requires fully aligning your energy, thoughts, feelings and actions with the love you desire.

How can you energetically stay connected to love and the positive things in your relationship and life? Make a daily list in your journal of all the evidence of what is good in your relationship and it will become easier to focus on this. What are the things you love? What are the things you are happy about? What IS going well? If you are dating, make a list of things that you are doing to take action for your happiness and the things that are going well in dating. Since what you focus on grows, evidence journaling about everything good and positive will help shift your energy and create more of this.

Are you thinking empowering thoughts or disempowering thoughts? When you have limiting beliefs or negative inner voices telling you that you can’t have what you want, then you subconsciously believe you cannot have the love you desire. Flip these negative thoughts to their opposite and create some affirmations around them. For example, I am not worthy becomes I am worthy and I deserve amazing soulmate love and I deserve to be treated as a queen by a quality man.

It is not just about changing your mindset, you need to look at your emotions as the universe responds to what you feel. What are your predominant emotions? Low level emotions such as fear will keep you stuck. Fear is usually based on a past experience and when you continue to hold onto it you continue to create the same experiences for yourself. What is mirrored to you is a direct response to the emotions you are feeling.

Fully align your feelings with your desire for more love. It helps to visualize how it would look and feel with a man who is your soulmate. The most important part of doing visualizations is to really FEEL the feelings you want to have in a beautiful relationship.

Take aligned action in moving towards your desire for a loving relationship. What does aligned action look like? If you are not in a relationship, it could look like going out and dating. If you are in a relationship, it could look like managing your energy and vibration and focusing on what is working and feeling good in your relationship.

Want to learn more about how to step into your worthiness and manifest more love in your life?  You can go here to download my free guide now!  https://debbiegailcoaching.com