Debbie Gail Zane

Keeping the lines of communication open can be critical when your teen or adult child is suffering from mental illness or addiction.

Here are some tips for being that safe space for them, so they will feel they can come to you, no matter what they are dealing with-

• Be a good listener.  As a parent, it can be easy to forget to be a good listener.  You may be so busy talking about what you want them to do and not do or what you think about something that happened, that you forget about listening.  Listening allows them to feel seen and heard and improves your connection, ultimately improving your relationship.  When they come to you to share something, give them the space to talk.

• Let go of any judgment.  Judging can be with your words but it doesn’t have to be.  It can also be with body language, such as rolling your eyes, crossing your arms tightly, or sighing.  When you validate some of your child’s feelings they are experiencing (the ones you agree with) and minimize others, you are placing your own judgment on which circumstances are worthy of these feelings.  Let them know that you understand whatever they are feeling is real.

• Offer your support without trying to control.  They may just want to know you are there to listen and are a loving support in their life.  To feel like they have someone in their corner.  Don’t worry that you can’t fix it – you can’t fix their illness.  But having your loving support will mean more to them than you know.

When you listen without judgment and give your unconditional love, your teen or adult child is much more likely to come to you in difficult situations.  They will trust you and feel safe.

Are you struggling with the challenges of having a son or daughter with mental illness or addiction?  I have developed a unique process which provides holistic tools and strategies for navigating grief, loss, pain, hopelessness, overwhelm, and fear that can result from this experience.  In my coaching program I walk with you on your journey, helping you regain your natural emotional resilience and self love and find peace and purpose in your life.  This almost always positively impacts your relationship with your child.  Message me to find out more.

Sending love and light,

Debbie

I know it can feel so difficult when your teen or adult child is doing something that you know isn’t good for them or is not doing something you feel is important.

Inside, you feel strongly about what they should do differently and what they should not do.

You try hard to make them do and see things your way.

But this will probably not work, and here’s why…

We don’t actually have control over another person. We only have the illusion of control.

When we try to control another person, it is two people fighting for control, and we repel them.

They feel as if you are fighting against them and don’t feel inspired to come closer to you, to open up communication, to really hear what you’re saying, and share more with you.

And they don’t feel inspired to do the things you’re trying to push them to do.

In fact, they not only start to distance themselves over time, they may not do the things you want because of the battle of control.

This will not be good for you, them, or your relationship.

While control doesn’t work, there ARE things you can do.

You can help them make a plan for their wellbeing.

You can encourage them.

You can inspire them.

You can teach them.

You can guide them.

You can be a supportive and compassionate listener.

I know it can feel very hard when they are doing things you don’t agree with.  You may feel frustrated. And you may need to set boundaries for yourself to protect your own wellbeing.

But remember that you don’t have control over another person and attempting to control may cause your relationship to deteriorate and at the same time it likely will not lead to the outcome you want.

So focus on the things you can do, not the things you can’t do.

Are you struggling with the challenges of having a son or daughter with mental illness or addiction?  I have developed a unique process which provides holistic tools and strategies for navigating grief, loss, pain, hopelessness, overwhelm, and fear that can result from this experience.  In my coaching program I walk with you on your journey, helping you regain your natural emotional resilience and self love and find peace and purpose in your life.  This almost always positively impacts your relationship with your child. Reach out to me to find out more.

Sending love and light,

Debbie