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Life does not always give us what we are expecting and can bring many challenges that make us question our ability to handle the pain. When Debbie’s oldest son, Alex, was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder at age seventeen after being hospitalized for nearly a month and then became addicted to drugs and alcohol, she wasn’t prepared for how to deal with what she would be up against over the next nine years and the fear, anxiety, and grief she would experience. read more

Thanksgiving and what to do if you’re feeling stuck

Thanksgiving is less than a week away.  It is another opportunity to reflect on what you have in your life that you are thankful for.  Many times, focusing on what you are thankful for, what is positive and what you can appreciate can shift your mindset and your energy and you begin to feel good rather than not so good.

But what if you are feeling stuck and you are unable to shift your focus to what you are thankful for?  What it you are unable to find and appreciate the positive things in your life because you feel there isn’t anything positive?  Or maybe you theoretically know there are things you can appreciate but you can’t seem to focus on them or connect with them?

For some people the holidays are a time of joy as they are a time they traditionally spend with loved ones enjoying the moment.  They have fond memories from past holidays and it is easy to continue this pattern.

For others, there may have been something from the past that they subconsciously bring into the present… maybe you experienced something difficult or sad or hurtful around the holidays in the past, even if in the distant past, and you continue to practice living as if this experience is continuing to repeat itself in the present.  In this way, you practice fear and sadness and hurt, rather than joy and gratitude and appreciation.  As a result you may feel stuck as you are so focused on your past experiences that brought about these memories.  What you focus on is what you attract more of, so you continue to create more negative experiences for yourself.

How can we you break this pattern?

💫 Understand that what may have been true in the past may no longer be true now.  Whatever hurt you experienced may no longer be happening now.

💫 Understand that you get very good at whatever you practice… so if you practice recreating your past hurts/negative experiences around the holidays, you will get very good at this and it will come naturally.

💫 To change this pattern and therefore create a new experience for yourself, you need to practice something different.  How would you like to feel during the holidays?  What would it look like?

💫 Understand and know your resources.  Was there ever a time in the past you felt the way you would like to feel?  What strengths and values and beliefs supported you then?

💫 Understand what is standing in your way… what is the challenge or obstacle to creating and practicing a new pattern that will allow you to experience more love, joy, gratitude?

As a coach I am here to help you clarify what you want, connect with your own inner resources and use them to work through any challenges or obstacles standing in your way.

Posted: November 23, 2019 by asiadmin

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Are your beliefs aligned with your desire for happiness?

In coaching and in my own life, I have realized how powerful our own negative beliefs and “stories” can be in shaping how we feel.  So powerful that they will hijack your joy and happiness in the present and make you feel awful when you believe in them.

This is why you have to become aware of your underlying beliefs that are not serving you, that do not align with your desires and goals and happiness.  You have to become aware of when you are believing in a “story” based on these beliefs.  These beliefs may even be subconscious and you may at first not even realize they are there.

How many times have you been feeling good and things seem to be going well for you and all of a sudden you feel sad, anxious, stressed?  For example, if you don’t believe you deserve happiness, you may create a story that supports this belief…maybe you tell yourself that whatever is going well will not last or that those close to you will leave, do not have room for you in their lives, or do not care about you.  Because you believe deep down that you are not worthy or that you don’t deserve happiness, your mind will believe these stories.

Until you put a stop to them.  Until you recognize your beliefs which are running the show and work on them.  Where did they come from?  Unhealed wounds can resurface when we have not properly dealt with them when they happened.  Maybe the subconscious “decision” that led to your negative beliefs came from a past trauma or hurt and at the time made, this “decision” served to protect you from more trauma and hurt.

But the thing is, that trauma or hurt is no longer happening now and believing in the stories you are creating based on these wounds are no longer serving you.

No one is perfect and growth happens when we can recognize how we are sabotaging our own experiences.  A big one for me was, although I believe in my worthiness and that I deserve to be happy, at times deep down I have felt that something I desired was not possible for me.  It was eye opening to become aware of the stories I created based on this…especially when a few hours later these stories were proven to be clearly not true.

You are intrinsically worthy and you deserve love and happiness.  You do not have to prove to yourself or anyone you are worthy.  You just have to believe in your worthiness and believe that love and happiness is possible for you.

Posted: November 9, 2019 by asiadmin

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Are your feelings your guide?

While letting your feelings be your guide in your relationship is important, if those feelings are based on triggers or fears or being stuck in the past, you may not want to be too quick to take action based on them.

Why?

Making decisions based on your feelings when it’s actually your own inner thoughts and fears causing them isn’t a good idea.  It’s not the other person’s actions, inaction, words, etc causing your feelings, it’s your own thoughts and beliefs about what is happening.  Thoughts and beliefs shaped by your past experiences and not the present experience or interaction.

When you allow yourself to sit with and join with your feelings, rather than subconsciously deny them, you gain the awareness and insight to discover what story may be coming up for you.  Is your story based on a prior negative experience?

For example, anxiety can come from fearing that because your past several relationships didn’t last beyond one year that this means your current one won’t either.  So if you feel some anxiety in your relationship as it gets closer to one year together, if you are not aware of the root cause (allowing your past experience to cloud your future because you assume the past will repeat itself) you may feel that your partner or the relationship is not right for you because you are feeling anxiety.

Becoming aware of when your emotions are based on your own past experiences and fears is a step towards connecting with yourself on a deeper level.  You have to be honest with yourself in order to fully trust your feelings and connect with your intuition rather than your fear.

Expand your vision beyond the limits of your beliefs!

I would love to hear from you!  I am so excited to announce that I am offering free 30 minute clarity sessions where I will help you discover and clarify your goals in your relationship or in any aspect of your life.  You can sign up through my website https://debbiegailcoaching.com/

Are I look forward to speaking with you soon!

Posted: October 18, 2019 by asiadmin

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Finding Peace and Purpose amidst the Tears