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Life does not always give us what we are expecting and can bring many challenges that make us question our ability to handle the pain. When Debbie’s oldest son, Alex, was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder at age seventeen after being hospitalized for nearly a month and then became addicted to drugs and alcohol, she wasn’t prepared for how to deal with what she would be up against over the next nine years and the fear, anxiety, and grief she would experience. read more

Are you open to getting to know others?

Do you spend the time to get to know someone you are dating or do you project on him the qualities you want him to be?

When you project an image onto someone it takes away your openness to see who he really is and whether you two are compatible for a relationship.

There are several reasons for projecting –

  • Urgency to get into a relationship.  Maybe friends or family are asking why you are still single and putting pressure on you to be in a relationship.
  • Not being honest with yourself as to who you really are.  You may actually not be showing up as your authentic self because you are so busy being the person everyone else wants you to be that you lose touch with who you really are.  This can happen when you are trying to please others or be a certain way to be accepted.  When you are not connected to your true self it is harder to have the openness to getting to know who another person truly is.
  • Fear of/discomfort with being alone.  If you are not comfortable with who you truly are or with being in your own company, you may look for a partner as a way to not focus on you or deal with deeper issues.  You feel they will complete you or take away your discomfort or distract you from dealing with your own stuff.
  • When you don’t love yourself.  When you don’t love yourself you may search outside yourself for the love you are missing.  You may expect that having a partner and a relationship will make you happy.  You will place expectations on your partner to give fulfill what you are missing, causing you to attach yourself too soon to someone before you really know them.  You may mistakenly feel what you are looking for within yourself will come from them.

When you are projecting an image on him of who you want him to be, not only are you not able to be honest with yourself about whether he is right for you and not able to be honest with yourself about who he really is, but you may end up getting into a relationship too quickly.  You may think you already know he is right for you or you are afraid to be alone or think he can provide you with the love and happiness you are unable to give to yourself.

If you want to learn more, read my blog for more articles about your relationship with yourself and others.  https://debbiegailcoaching.com/debbies-blog/

Posted: February 1, 2020 by asiadmin

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How does giving make you feel?

How does giving make you feel?

If you feel happy and fulfilled when you give of your time, energy, gifts, your giving is coming from love.

If you feel drained and resentful, your giving is likely coming from a place of control and fear.

When you do something for someone or give them a gift, ask yourself these questions:

Are you expecting something in return?

Are you giving to try to control an outcome and make the person like you?

Are you giving at the expense of taking care of your own needs?

Is fear of an outcome driving your decision?

If the answer to any of these questions is yes, it’s time to look within you.  Chances are that you may be feeling drained or operating from a place of scarcity in your life.

When you are overflowing with love for yourself and connected to that love, you are in a place to give from love and desire and joy.  Because you want to.  Not because you have to.  Not because you want something from the person or want to move things forward.

You will feel so much more energized and light when you give from your own abundance of love.  Giving will bring you joy and not put you in a place of expectation and control.  Giving will be receiving because your giving is the gift you receive.

Want to connect with the love and abundance within you and transform your relationship with yourself and others?  Reach out to me for a free 30 minute clarity session to learn more.  https://debbiegailcoaching.com

I would love to hear how you connect with your own love within you.  Comment here!

Posted: January 31, 2020 by asiadmin

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How do you show up for yourself?

How you show up for yourself is directly related to how others show up for you.  This includes your partner or a partner you attract.  This also includes your friends.

If you don’t show yourself compassion and understanding when you say or do something you didn’t mean to, this is what others will mirror back.  Maybe you are very critical of yourself and expect you will always do and say the “right” thing but if you have this expectation of yourself it brings your value of yourself down in your own eyes.

If you don’t accept your imperfections, you may be very judgmental of yourself.  It makes it hard to show unconditional love to yourself because there are parts of you that you don’t accept.

If you don’t value your time, others will not value it either.  If you don’t follow through with plans with others and time commitments for yourself, others will cancel plans last minute and not commit to planning ahead.  They won’t respect your time since you don’t respect your time.

If you don’t allow yourself the space to feel your emotions, you show others that your feelings don’t matter.  The more you deny your emotions, the less authentic you become and the less love you can feel for yourself.

If you don’t honor and prioritize your needs, others won’t either.  You may end up neglecting your own needs to take care of someone else’s and they will continue to allow and expect this and it will become a habit.

If you reject or abandon yourself when things go wrong or are difficult, you show yourself that you can’t be there for you.  You begin not to have trust in yourself that you will be okay no matter what happens.  Others will feel this distrust as well.  You may lose trust in yourself and your relationship.  And others will mirror that energy.

If you want to attract a partner who will honor your truth and your values, respect you, love and accept you the way you are, you first have to be completely comfortable with who you are and honor and love who you are.

There is no shortcut such as “if I find a partner who loves me then I can relax and love and honor myself.”  This will not happen because you need to begin with your love and commitment to yourself.  When you depend of this need being solely fulfilled by another person, you begin to expect this of them.  The more expectations you have, the more pressure it puts on the relationship.  The more it drains the relationship.  Depending more and more on your partner may even create some fear…because instead of fulfilling your own needs you are completely looking to him to do this and you may fear what if this is taken away.

Commit to showing up for yourself in a loving and accepting and kind way every day.  If you are interested in learning more about how to make this commitment to yourself and transform your relationship and your life, reach out to me for a free 30 minute clarity session.  https://debbiegailcoaching.com

Posted: January 27, 2020 by asiadmin

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Finding Peace and Purpose amidst the Tears