Debbie Gail Zane

The day before New Years Eve, our 9 month old boxer puppy was hit by a car in front of our country home.  It happened so fast …one minute she was playing in the house, the next she got out front for just a minute and was hit.  She died shortly after we got her to the vet.

Life is so precious.

But are you living your best life, being present, enjoying the moment?  If you aren’t, right now is a good time to start.

Are you treasuring your relationships with loved ones, letting them know how much they mean to you?  Who can you tell I love you too?  Who can you say I’m sorry to?

And what about your relationship with yourself?  Are your being gentle and kind to yourself, accepting where you are in your healing journey and showing yourself as much love and compassion you would show to a dear friend?

What if you lived every day as if it was your last…what would you do differently?

This is a fresh start to a new year, a chance to live your life the way you want to.  You have the power to shape how you experience your life because you have the power to shape your mindset and beliefs about life.

If you are feeling down this holiday season while those around you seem happy and joyful, I completely understand how you feel, and I want to share my story with you.

Years ago I spent too long in an unhappy marriage.  It was a toxic relationship.  Holidays were unpredictable and seemed to mostly get ruined by my then spouse’s drinking and related chaos.  My children were young and I was divorced from their father and I tried to create a happy home for them despite chaos.  I would start out with high hopes for the holidays and cook lots of delicious food and purchase and wrap heartfelt gifts for my children, my then spouse, and his children.  Many of our experiences turned negative due to the impact and trauma on everyone that his drinking created.  I remember I attended Alanon (a support program for spouses of alcoholics) and many people there shared about having a plan B for the holidays and many came together to offer support to each other, opening their doors to those who were alone because of toxic situations.

After I left that toxic relationship and went through divorce, I thought my holidays would be happy again…after all I was out of that bad relationship and my children lived with me, so we would all be happy, right?

Not exactly.  The holiday season was difficult.  Everywhere I went, I saw couples…walking, ice skating, shopping for holiday gifts, going to holiday plays and movies…I began to wonder if I would ever find and experience true love.  With a partner who really cared about me and my feelings and my desires.  Who wanted to spend the rest of his life with me because we added joy to each other’s lives.

My children at that time were teenagers and didn’t have a positive association with the holidays either, because of our past, so they also struggled.

Year after year, I felt sad during the holidays.  Triggered by my past traumatic experiences around the holidays.  Missing sharing the season with a partner who truly loved and cared about me.

The first few years I didn’t know exactly why I was sad though.  I just know the negative feelings ended on January 2 each year, and then I would go on with my life.

Once I realized why I was feeling the way I was, I dug deeper.  Did I want to let my bad experiences in the past ruin my present and future experiences?  No!  And what was my story around love and the holidays and could I change it to a positive story?  My story was that because I never had a truly loving relationship in which my partner cared about me deeply, that I would never have one, and so when I saw couples together enjoying the holiday season, this story came up for me.  And replaying this story caused me to find more evidence to support it.

So I changed my story, and my life’s experiences changed. My energy around life and relationships changed.  I met my partner and we created a loving relationship.

Were the holidays easy at first?  No.  I had to first heal my past hurt and pain from my past toxic relationship, find forgiveness, and crush my fears and triggers.

This holiday season I feel blessed.  It brings tears to my eyes remembering my journey…happy tears, because I feel so grateful to have a loving partner, our house together which we have made our home, my children now grown and they and their partners will visit my partner and me to celebrate with us the first holiday season in our new home.

I share my story to give hope to those of you out there struggling.  To let you know that I know how hard it can be.  I have been through it.  I see you and I am here for you.

I have so much to share to help you overcome past hurt, pain, and insecurity from a toxic relationship and gain the confidence and comfort to experience heartfelt love.  I am offering free 30 minute clarity sessions next week.  You can message me directly.

Is this time of year feeling hard for you?  If so, consider this question- What do the holidays mean to you?

See, the thing is, the meaning you give something has everything to do with how you feel.

If this time of year means pain and past hurt, then you may struggle with feeling down.

If this time of year means you have to do sooo many things such as baking, cooking, purchasing, hosting, to the point where you feel stressed and exhausted, you may struggle with feeling exhausted, stressed, and maybe even resentful.

If you are focusing on what you expect to get, you may be setting yourself up for feeling disappointed.

You have the power to change the meaning to anything you desire.  To create a new reality for yourself.  To have a new positive experience you will associate with the holidays.

So what meaning do you want to give this time of year?

For me, it means love.  A time to show my love for my partner, family, and friends.  To be love.  To be loving.