Debbie Gail Zane

If you are struggling in your relationship with your son or daughter, you may be making what he or she is doing about you.

You can’t both accept them for who they are and take their actions and choices personally.  This doesn’t mean you need to agree with their decisions.

But accepting who they are allows them to feel seen, valued, and loved.

When you make whatever they are doing that you don’t like, about you, you are focusing on the affect on you and defending you.

For example, if your son is staying up late at night and not getting to work on time in the morning and loses his job, how you handle this with him may depend on how you are viewing the situation.  If you are concerned that this reflects badly on you or means you didn’t do a good job raising him, you are not accepting where he is at in his life today… what is happening in his world, his emotions, his stresses.  You are focused on you and how his decision affects you.  This will impact how you relate to and communicate with him.

If this post resonates with you, feel free to share anything from your own relationship with your son or daughter in the comments.

If you need help navigating challenges in your relationship with your teen or young adult, reach out to me by direct message or through my website.  You can handle these challenges with confidence and grace, allowing a beautiful relationship to flourish.  Our children are precious and they grow up fast.  As a mom, I know and appreciate how much my relationships with my children enrich my life

As a parent, you may have certain hopes, dreams, and even expectations of how you want your children to grow up.  As they go through their teen years into young adulthood, their roadmap may not be the same as yours.

A lot of tension can result when what is actually happening isn’t what you hoped for or expected of them.  This tension can turn to anger and eventually resentment.  Poisons that seep into your relationship with them.

You may start take the problem you are having with your son or daughter personally… feeling “there is something wrong with me.”

You may start to feel the problem is pervasive… that it affects everything else in your life.

These problems are neither personal nor pervasive.  But when you believe they are, you may feel hopeless.

You have the ability to shift your beliefs and expectations, as these beliefs and expectations are not part of who you are…they are not part of your identity.  They may have come from other people in your life, the media, social pressure.

When you stop seeing the problem as personal and pervasive, and you shift your expectations, you are on your way to meeting your teen or young adult where they are in life and creating a close  bond.

If you need help reconnecting with your teen or young adult and building a beautiful relationship, reach out to me by direct message or through my website.  Our children are precious and they grow up fast.  As a mom, I know and appreciate how much my relationships with my children enrich my life

What once seemed like important issues, now seem trivial.

Many things I spent time worrying about now don’t even seem to matter.

Things I once thought were important now seem not worth spending time and energy worrying about.

Even recent occurrences such as some of our trees falling in a storm, not having power and heat after a storm…none of these things matter in the big picture of life.

When I woke up Thursday morning two weeks ago and received a phone call, I knew my life as I knew it would be forever changed.  That was the day I received the call that my oldest son, Alex, died.

In the following days and weeks, questions ran through my mind such as why, how, why now… and what were my last words to him?

I do not know any of the answers to these questions, I can only find any solace in knowing that my last words with him were an exchange of I love you’s.

That is what is important to me.  Knowing that my loved ones know I love them and how much their presence in my life is truly a gift.

During this difficult time it is hard to focus on the good, the light, to not allow darkness to win.

I can find solace in knowing I will always hold Alex close in my heart, just like I do my other two children that I am blessed to have in my life.

My children, partner, family, and friends are precious to me.   And it is through my relationships with them and my love in my heart for them that I experience my greatest gifts in life.

Love is the most powerful emotion and provides the strength to overcome darkness and experience light.

Take a moment to reflect on what matters most to you.  Consider whether this where most of your love and energy is flowing, and if not, what can you do differently.