Debbie Gail Zane

When you have a loved one with mental illness or addiction, this time of year can be even more challenging.

There may be a lot of uncertainty as to how things will go and what will happen.

There may be friction between you and your loved one or a lack of communication.

You may feel extra sadness, frustration, fear, stress, worry, overwhelm, hopelessness, or anger.

You may be feeling alone, watching others seemingly having a “normal” life.

You are not alone and your feelings are valid.

I understand because I have been there too.

I recommend having a plan for how you will handle stress and triggers during the holidays.  For example this may include things like –

planning loving boundaries you can stick to and trust so you can enjoy the holidays without worrying how to respond to difficulties and triggers

planning breaks for yourself, however short or long you need, in order to rest, recharge, or remove yourself from triggers. This can help you to better respond to triggers by ensuring your own needs are being met and give you a break when you are feeling triggered to remove yourself from the situation.

having a self care plan. The holidays can be a busy and stressful time and it’s important to take good care of yourself so you can feel your best and be better able to deal with various situations with greater ease.

have a routine you engage in right before gathering with family and friends, such as listening to a meditation, doing some relaxation techniques, or journaling, to give yourself extra love and compassion

I would love to hear your plans for handling the holidays, or any struggles you are concerned about dealing with.

Sending love and light,

Debbie

This time of year can be difficult for many who have loved ones with mental illness and addiction. You may be filled with fear, sadness, hopelessness, frustration.

The holidays are challenging for me too, since I miss oldest son tremendously.

I see you and I hear you.

I want to share two things I find helpful now and have found helpful in the past years when my son was living with mental illness and addiction.

Appreciation/ gratitude and contribution/ giving

Why?

Both of these can elevate your mood, getting you out of your current state.

Making a list of things you appreciate, no matter how small or how big, can shift your focus to recognizing what things in your life you can be grateful for.

Contributing to others can get you out of yourself because you are making a difference in others’ lives. Instead of dwelling on your problem, you’re focusing on how you can help others, whether it’s your family, your friends, or the world.

While your problem or situation will still be there, they don’t have to be your full focus.

Wishing everyone many blessings this holiday season.

Sending love and light,

Debbie

Acceptance is one of the key things you will need to have in your life in order to find peace.

Acceptance involves acknowledging the facts of the situation and not focusing your energy on why it shouldn’t be that way.

Acceptance doesn’t mean you need to agree with all of your child’s decisions or like what is happening.

When you have a teen or adult child with mental illness or addiction, this may include accepting –

Your lives are completely different than before mental illness/addiction

The difficulties happening

 What your child is feeling

What your child is dealing with

Your child may not want the same things as you do

Your child may make different decisions than you would make

Your own limitations of not being able to fix their illness

What feels most difficult for you?

Acceptance allows you to focus on loving your child as they are.

Acceptance stops the war within you, the struggle to fight against reality which uses up a tremendous amount of energy.

Acceptance allows you to use your energy on positive things such as becoming more resourceful with helping your child and enjoying your time with your child, other children, family, and friends.

Sending love and light,

Debbie