Generated by All in One SEO v4.9.3, this is an llms.txt file, used by LLMs to index the site.

# Debbie Gail Zane

Finding Peace and Purpose amidst the Tears

## Sitemaps

- [XML Sitemap](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/sitemap.xml): Contains all public & indexable URLs for this website.

## Posts

- [Blog](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/blog/)
- [Tomorrow is a day to celebrate motherhood](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2025/05/10/tomorrow-is-a-day-to-celebrate-motherhood/) - Tomorrow is a special day of celebrating motherhood. For those who have a child that has mental illness or addiction and/or are struggling in your relationship with your child, I know this day can bring up painful emotions for you. Take some time for you. Maybe that is doing something that feels soothing for your
- [Grief and the holidays](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2024/12/25/grief-and-the-holidays/) - This time of year is one of the most challenging for me since my oldest son Alex passed away three years ago. This will be my third Christmas without him here physically. I know he is always with me, but that doesn’t stop the deep desire to have him back on earth and to be able to
- [Navigating the holidays when your child has mental illness or addiction](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2024/12/25/navigating-the-holidays-when-your-child-has-mental-illness-or-addiction/) - This time of year can be difficult when you have a child with mental illness or addiction. Maybe you are wondering how things will go, since there can be varying degrees of unpredictability. In the midst of so much uncertainty, the one thing you can do is to give yourself some certainty. This can be quite
- [Getting through Thanksgiving when you are in grief](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2024/11/19/getting-through-thanksgiving-when-you-are-in-grief/) - Thanksgiving is right around the corner. Whether you are grieving the loss of your child or grieving due to having a child with mental illness and/or addiction, this can be a difficult time filled with pain, sadness, unpredictability, stress, uncertainty. How can you get through this day, dedicated to gratitude and thanks, when you are
- [Acceptance](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2024/08/18/acceptance/) - When you have a teen or adult child with mental illness or addiction, acceptance can help bring more peace. Acceptance doesn’t mean you need to agree with all of your child’s decisions or like what is happening. Acceptance involves acknowledging the facts of the situation and not focusing your energy on why it shouldn’t be
- [Grief when your child has mental illness or addiction](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2024/05/21/grief-when-your-child-has-mental-illness-or-addiction/) - When you have a child with mental illness or addiction, it may feel like your entire world has been turned upside down. Life is different now than it was prior to their illness and addiction. They may seem like a different person. You may have a different relationship with them. You probably have different thoughts
- [Releasing guilt](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2024/05/21/releasing-guilt/) - As a parent, we feel like it is our job to fix everything for our child. While some things we can fix, others we can’t. If they have a mental illness or addiction, we may feel guilty because we are not able to fix it. No matter how hard we try, we can’t make them
- [Navigating Mothers Day when grieving the loss of a child](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2024/05/12/navigating-mothers-day-when-grieving-the-loss-of-a-child/) - I feel blessed for the opportunity to have been interviewed on 2 TV networks today! It was a beautiful experience and I appreciated the opportunity to share my story to help others who are coping with the loss of a child on Mother’s Day or with having a child with mental illness and addiction. Spending
- [Finding new purpose after loss](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2024/05/12/finding-new-purpose-after-loss/) - I feel blessed for the opportunity to have been interviewed on 2 TV networks today! It was a beautiful experience and I appreciated the opportunity to share my story to help others who are coping with the loss of a child on Mother’s Day or with having a child with mental illness and addiction. Spending the
- [Mother’s Day when you have lost a child or you have a child with mental illness or addiction](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2024/05/11/mothers-day-when-you-have-lost-a-child-or-you-have-a-child-with-mental-illness-or-addiction/) - Mother’s Day is right around the corner. Whether you are grieving the loss of your child or grieving due to having a child with mental illness and/or addiction, this can be a difficult time filled with pain, sadness, unpredictability, stress, uncertainty. How can you get through this day? Here are some things I have found helpful
- [May 18, 2024 Barnes and Noble Book Signing Event](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2024/05/05/may-18-2024-barnes-and-noble-book-signing-event/) - I’m so excited to announce that on Saturday May 18 I will be doing a book signing event at the Barnes and Noble in Fredericksburg, VA for my book Finding and Purpose Amidst the Tears: My Journey of the Love and Loss of My Son through His Mental Illness and Addiction. If you are in the
- [Anger is pain](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2024/04/27/anger-is-pain/) - Anger may be one of those emotions you don’t want to feel. Maybe you are trying to suppress it because you feel you should not feel angry or that others are judging you for your anger. If you have a child with mental illness or addiction, you may feel angry at your child for their behavior,
- [You are more than your pain. Your child is more than their illness](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2024/04/20/you-are-more-than-your-pain-your-child-is-more-than-their-illness/) - Last night I had a great conversation on my show. One thing we discussed is that you are not your pain, that this is not your identity. When you are a parent of a teen or adult child with mental illness or addiction, this is so important to remember in regard to yourself and your
- [Judging yourself? Be your own best friend](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2024/04/14/judging-yourself-be-your-own-best-friend/) - Judgment of ourselves can be something we do without even realizing it. It can come in the form of judging our feelings. For example, you feel angry years after your child was diagnosed with mental illness or became addicted to drugs and you are judging your feelings in that you think you should no longer
- [Blame can divide. Compassion can unite.](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2024/04/01/blame-can-divide-compassion-can-unite/) - If you have a teen or adult child with mental illness and/or addiction, you may at times experience their anger directed at you. I don’t want you to internalize that. Their anger likely has nothing to do with you. It can be anger at their illness, addiction, life circumstances, difficulties and hardships related to their
- [Finding Peace Beyond the Pain Show Begins](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2024/03/24/finding-peace-beyond-the-pain-show-begins/) - Tonight was the pilot episode of my new internet TV talk show and podcast, Finding Peace Beyond the Pain. Because we as parents love our children, we experience pain and grief when the mental illness, addiction, or death of our child forever changes our lives. Finding Peace Beyond the Pain, hosted by Debbie Gail Zane,
- [Connect with your love for your child](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2024/03/14/connect-with-your-love-for-your-child/) - If you want to take a step towards a more loving relationship with your teen/adult child, begin with thinking of all the things you love about them. And if right now you are having some difficulties with conflict, communication, or whatever it is, I do understand this could be difficult at first. But think back
- [New show for parents- beginning March 22](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2024/03/14/new-show-for-parents-beginning-march-22/) - If you are a parent experiencing pain and grief when the mental illness, addiction, or death of your child forever changes your life, you don’t want to miss my new Internet TV and Podcast Show – Finding Peace Beyond the Pain. Watch live every Friday at 7pm ET beginning March 22 on Amazon Fire TV,
- [Are you stuck waiting for the “other shoe to drop”?](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2024/03/13/are-you-stuck-waiting-for-the-other-shoe-to-drop/) - I know that trying to help a teen or adult child who is struggling with mental illness and/or addiction can be nerve-racking. So many parents spend sleepless nights in fear about where their child may be and what dangers they may be exposed to. This is something that few other parents understand – and this
- [Keeping the lines of communication open](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2024/03/09/keeping-the-lines-of-communication-open/) - Keeping the lines of communication open can be critical when your teen or adult child is suffering from mental illness or addiction. Here are some tips for being that safe space for them, so they will feel they can come to you, no matter what they are dealing with- Be a good listener. As a parent,
- [Attempting to control your teen/adult may cause your relationship with them to deteriorate and at the same time it likely will not lead to the outcome you want](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2024/03/07/attempting-to-control-your-teen-adult-may-cause-your-relationship-with-them-to-deteriorate-and-at-the-same-time-it-likely-will-not-lead-to-the-outcome-you-want/) - I know it can feel so difficult when your teen or adult child is doing something that you know isn’t good for them or is not doing something you feel is important. Inside, you feel strongly about what they should do differently and what they should not do. You try hard to make them do
- [What if?](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2024/03/06/what-if-2/) - What if? Are these words defining how you are living your life as a parent? What if he hangs out with friends who are using drugs? What if she starts drinking again? What if he overdoses? What if her mental illness symptoms worsen? Are you imagining the worst and always anticipating what may go wrong next? When
- [If you feel stressed during interactions with your teen or adult child and it seems like you are fighting against each other when it comes to their mental illness or addiction, you are not alone](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2024/03/03/if-you-feel-stressed-during-interactions-with-your-teen-or-adult-child-and-it-seems-like-you-are-fighting-against-each-other-when-it-comes-to-their-mental-illness-or-addiction-you-are-not-alone/) - If you feel stressed during interactions with your teen or adult child and it seems like you are fighting against each other when it comes to their mental illness or addiction, you are not alone. Often they do not see things the same way you do. You start off on the same side… both going
- [If you are a parent struggling with feelings of guilt, self-blame or self-doubt, you may be making one of these mistakes](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2024/03/03/if-you-are-a-parent-struggling-with-feelings-of-guilt-self-blame-or-self-doubt-you-may-be-making-one-of-these-mistakes/) - If you have a teen or adult child with mental illness or addiction and you are struggling with feelings of guilt, self-blame or self-doubt, you may be making one of these mistakes- Taking things personally. When things are not going well with your child, do you blame yourself and make everything that is happening about
- [Wondering how you can take care of yourself during challenging times?](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2024/02/08/wondering-how-you-can-take-care-of-yourself-during-challenging-times/) - Loving yourself and taking good care of yourself is always important, but it can become a real challenge when you have a teen or adult child with mental illness and/or addiction. Here are some things you can start doing right now that can really make a difference in how you feel- Self-compassion – be gentle,
- [Is denial standing in your way of finding peace?](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2024/01/13/is-denial-standing-in-your-way-of-finding-peace/) - I recently posted about when your child has mental illness and addiction, you may need to grieve the loss of who they were and how life was before illness. Not doing so can prevent you from finding peace. One thing that may stand in your way of grieving is denial. Denial is refusal to believe or accept
- [Grieving the loss of how your child was and how life was prior to their mental illness and addiction](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2024/01/08/grieving-the-loss-of-how-your-child-was-and-how-life-was-prior-to-their-mental-illness-and-addiction/) - If you have a child with mental illness and addiction, you undoubtedly know that life is different now than it was prior to their illness and addiction. They may seem like a different person. You may have a different relationship with them. You probably have different thoughts and struggles. They may not be on the
- [Self-love: It’s especially important when you have a child with mental illness/addiction](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2023/01/07/self-love-its-especially-important-when-you-have-a-child-with-mental-illness-addiction/) - I know you probably hear a lot about self-love, but loving yourself and taking good care of yourself is especially important when you are a parent or caregiver struggling with a teen or adult child with mental illness and addiction. Why – Self-love allows you to live with an open heart and connect to your
- [Going into the new year with gratitude](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2023/12/31/going-into-the-new-year-with-gratitude/) - As we say goodbye to 2023 and welcome 2024, a host of emotions may come up for you. For me, there are many mixed emotions… In 2023 I am grateful that I launched my book Finding Peace and Purpose Amdist the Tears and I’m blessed to have spent time and closeness with two of my
- [Goals for the new year](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2023/12/31/goals-for-the-new-year/) - What is a goal you want for yourself in the new year? If your child is struggling with mental illness or addiction, I have heard many parents say their goal is for their child to be sober. But that is their goal, for them to decide. So what is your goal, for you? Maybe it’s
- [Merry Christmas](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2023/12/26/merry-christmas/) - Wishing you a very happy holiday, whatever you believe or celebrate. I know for some this is a difficult time, especially if you have lost a loved one, a loved one is ill, or you are ill. And I am sending you extra love and prayers for healing, peace, and light. I am very much
- [Do you have a plan for handling stress and triggers during the holidays?](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2023/12/22/do-you-have-a-plan-for-handling-stress-and-triggers-during-the-holidays/) - When you have a loved one with mental illness or addiction, this time of year can be even more challenging. There may be a lot of uncertainty as to how things will go and what will happen. There may be friction between you and your loved one or a lack of communication. You may feel
- [If you’re struggling this holiday season…](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2023/11/22/if-youre-struggling-this-holiday-season/) - This time of year can be difficult for many who have loved ones with mental illness and addiction. You may be filled with fear, sadness, hopelessness, frustration. The holidays are challenging for me too, since I miss oldest son tremendously. I see you and I hear you. I want to share two things I find
- [Acceptance can lead to peace](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2023/09/10/acceptance-can-lead-to-peace/) - Acceptance is one of the key things you will need to have in your life in order to find peace. Acceptance involves acknowledging the facts of the situation and not focusing your energy on why it shouldn’t be that way. Acceptance doesn’t mean you need to agree with all of your child’s decisions or like
- [Faith over fear](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2023/09/04/faith-over-fear/) - Sometimes the unknown is the hardest. Not having that certainty as to what is happening or what will happen. One of the biggest things that makes the unknown so difficult is wanting life to unfold according to your plan. Having a teen or adult child with mental illness or addiction brings with it a lot
- [Author book signing is here!](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2023/08/26/author-book-signing-is-here/) - If you live in the Virginia area, come join me at the Barnes and Noble in Fredericksburg, Virginia on Saturday, September 2, where I will be doing a book signing event for my book- Finding Peace and Purpose Amidst the Tears: My Journey of the Love and Loss of My Son Through His Mental Illness
- [My guest appearance on this podcast](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2023/08/20/my-guest-appearance-on-this-podcast/) - I feel honored to have been a guest on the Living the Next Chapter podcast where I share my story and discuss my book, Finding Peace and Purpose Amidst the Tears- My Journey of the Love and Loss of My Son through His Mental Illness and Addiction. Listen here https://pod.link/1607392975/episode/fe377f054a7d28ce4b20f8d4af1db2de
- [Focus on something you CAN do rather than something you can’t](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2023/07/29/focus-on-something-you-can-do-rather-than-something-you-cant/) - When we have an ill child, it’s natural as a parent to want to take away their pain. Whether they are suffering from mental illness, addiction, or any other health issue. After all, they are near and dear to our heart. You may even be one to feel their pain. I hear you, as this
- [Don’t allow the past and future to rob you of the present](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2023/07/15/dont-allow-the-past-and-future-to-rob-you-of-the-present/) - If you are struggling to enjoy the calmer times with your teen or adult child with mental illness or addiction and really connect with them, it could be because you are not truly present with them. What I mean is, instead of enjoying the moment, you are thinking thoughts unrelated to your current experience. This
- [As a parent, it’s life changing and heartbreaking when your child has a serious mental illness or addiction](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2023/07/06/as-a-parent-its-life-changing-and-heartbreaking-when-your-child-has-a-serious-mental-illness-or-addiction/) - If you have a family member suffering with mental illness or addiction, check out this podcast hosted by Tina Ginn where I share my journey with my oldest son’s battle with mental illnesses and addiction before he passed away. As a parent, it’s life changing and heartbreaking when your child has a serious mental illness
- [How you view yourself as a parent has a direct impact on your self acceptance and ultimately your joy and peace in life](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2023/07/04/how-you-view-yourself-as-a-parent-has-a-direct-impact-on-your-self-acceptance-and-ultimately-your-joy-and-peace-in-life/) - How you view yourself as a parent has a direct impact on your self acceptance and ultimately your joy and peace in life. What are your beliefs about yourself as a parent? If you are putting yourself down because you feel your teen or adult child’s mental illness or addiction somehow makes you not a
- [You cannot have peace when you spend your time fighting against reality](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2023/06/29/you-cannot-have-peace-when-you-spend-your-time-fighting-against-reality/) - What is feeling peace to you? To me, it is a state where my heart is fully open and I can give and receive unconditional love. It is one of the highest emotional states and embodies love, joy, acceptance, clarity. One of the biggest things that can prevent you from having peace is fighting against
- [Always remember to love yourself](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2023/06/26/__trashed/) - Love is one of the highest emotional states. When you give yourself love, you tap into this beautiful state of living your life with an open heart. You can easily give love to others and receive love from others. You can look through the lens of love to see what is happening from a new
- [Be kind, gentle, and patient with yourself](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2023/06/18/be-kind-gentle-and-patient-with-yourself/) - If you are struggling because your child has mental illness or addiction, have compassion for yourself. I know you may be focusing on what is wrong and why what you are doing may not be working, but focusing on your frustration and your inability to fix things is going to make you feel helpless and
- [Instead of internalizing your child’s negative emotions, be the strength and the light they need](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2023/06/06/instead-of-internalizing-your-childs-negative-emotions-be-the-strength-and-the-light-they-need/) - As a parent, it can be so hard to see your child feeling unhappy, anxious, frustrated, angry, or other difficult emotions. This may happen very often if your teen or adult child suffers from mental illness and/or addiction. When he or she isn’t happy, maybe it affects your mood and your whole being. If you
- [May is mental health awareness month](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2023/05/28/may-is-mental-health-awareness-month/) - May is mental health awareness month. Mental Illness impacts those of all ages and can start very young. According to the National Center for Mental Illness (NAMI), one in six US adolescents aged twelve to seventeen experienced a major depressive episode, and three million had serious thoughts of suicide. One in three US young adults
- [When you hear the word boundaries, do you think of something harsh?](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2023/05/12/when-you-hear-the-word-boundaries-do-you-think-of-something-harsh-2/) - When you hear the word boundaries, do you think of something harsh? Do you feel if you set boundaries with your teen or adult child that you will have to hold back your loving emotions in order to stick to your boundaries? If you answered yes to these questions, let’s work on changing your views
- [I am excited to bring my book to life today!](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2023/05/09/i-am-excited-to-bring-my-book-to-life-today/) - With much gratitude and love, I am excited to bring my book to life today! Life does not always give us what we are expecting and can bring many challenges that make us question our ability to handle the pain. When my oldest son was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder at age seventeen after being hospitalized
- [Think of all the things you love about your child](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2023/05/08/think-of-all-the-things-you-love-about-your-child/) - If you want to take a step towards a more loving relationship with your teen/adult child, begin with thinking of all the things you love about them. And if right now you are having some difficulties with conflict, communication, or whatever it is, I do understand this could be difficult at first. But think back
- [Book Launch Announcement](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2023/05/07/book-launch-announcement/) - It is a very emotional day for me and I am literally crying tears of gratitude- today I received the author copies of my book!!! After losing my twenty-six year old son nine years after his battle with mental illness and addiction began, I was called to write this book to share my story of
- [When you are so often focused on the challenges that arise with your teen or adult child, it is easy for self love and self care to become neglected](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2023/05/03/when-you-are-so-often-focused-on-the-challenges-that-arise-with-your-teen-or-adult-child-it-is-easy-for-self-love-and-self-care-to-become-neglected/) - When you are so often focused on the challenges that arise with your teen or adult child, it is easy for self love and self care to become neglected. If you don’t take care of you and give yourself love too, you will have a harder time showing up for your child. You will not
- [What is your story and does it match your reality?](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2023/04/30/what-is-your-story-and-does-it-match-your-reality/) - Often times we have a story about what life with our children should look like. It may be based on our own childhood, values or teachings from our parents, or from observing others around us. When you have a child with mental illness or addiction, life with your child may not look like that story. And
- [Finding your path to peace when you have a child with mental illness or addictions](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2023/04/23/finding-your-path-to-peace-when-you-have-a-child-with-mental-illness-or-addictions/) - If you have a teen or adult child with mental illness or addiction and you are struggling to find your path to peace, you may be making one of these mistakes- Taking things personally. When things are not going well with your child, do you blame yourself and make everything that is happening about you?
- [Fighting against the reality of your child’s mental illness and addiction uses up a tremendous amount of energy. That will drain you.](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2023/04/02/fighting-against-the-reality-of-your-childs-mental-illness-and-addiction-uses-up-a-tremendous-amount-of-energy-that-will-drain-you/) - If you have a teen or adult child with mental illness or addiction, acceptance is an important part of your path to peace. This may include accepting that your lives are completely different than they were before mental illness and addiction, accepting difficult events that happened, what your child is feeling and what they are
- [When you have a teen or adult child with mental illness or addiction, you may find yourself living in fear much of the time](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2023/03/30/when-you-have-a-teen-or-adult-child-with-mental-illness-or-addiction-you-may-find-yourself-living-in-fear-much-of-the-time/) - When you have a teen or adult child with mental illness or addiction, you may find yourself living in fear much of the time. I understand, as I was there too. I realized that behind the fear was a need for certainty—certainty that my son would be okay, that he would be safe, and that
- [Have you ever let your child’s bad mood affect your own mood?](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2023/03/25/have-you-ever-let-your-childs-bad-mood-affect-your-own-mood/) - Have you ever let your child’s bad mood affect your own mood? This can be especially tough when they are suffering from mental illness or dealing with addiction and their moods seem to go up and down frequently. When they are down, you feel down. When they are stressed, you feel stressed. Well just like
- [Anger and frustration to appreciation and gratitude](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2023/01/16/anger-and-frustration-to-appreciation-and-gratitude/) - How many times do you feel frustrated or even angry with your teen or adult child who has mental illness and/or addiction? Of course you love him or her dearly, but you are human, and sometimes they may lash out at you or make decisions you don’t agree with or do things you don’t like
- [Happy New Year!](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2023/01/01/happy-new-year-2/) - Wishing everyone a very happy New Year filled with hope, love, and light! Wherever you are in your journey in life, bring into 2023 what you want more of and leave what you don’t want behind. You are the creator of your life! While you can’t make others change, you can change your thoughts, your
- [Is the question you focus on bringing you sadness or fulfillment?](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2022/12/19/is-the-question-you-focus-on-bringing-you-sadness-or-fulfillment/) - I recently attended Tony Robbins’ Date with Destiny event in Florida and something very powerful that spoke to me was what question I was subconsciously asking myself. I worked on this over a year ago, but realized my subconscious mind had changed my primary question I had then worked on, to something disempowering without me
- [No matter what you’re going through, create some new positive memories this holiday season](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2022/12/01/no-matter-what-youre-going-through-create-some-new-positive-memories-this-holiday-season/) - How are you feeling this holiday season? Sometimes this time of year can be difficult. If you are dealing with challenges associated with your teen or young adult having mental illness or addiction, or you’re dealing with a loss of a child or a loss of how your child was before illness, I know holidays
- [Are you feeling helpless because you don’t know how to help your son or daughter?](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2022/11/22/are-you-feeling-helpless-because-you-dont-know-how-to-help-your-son-or-daughter/) - If you’re feeling helpless because you don’t know how to help your son or daughter who has mental illness or addiction, I understand this can make you feel down or frustrated. You want to help and you’ve tried a number of things but nothing seems to work. I hear you! Nothing seems to work because
- [Do you have a pattern for how you relate to your teen or adult child?](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2022/09/27/do-you-have-a-pattern-for-how-you-relate-to-your-teen-or-adult-child/) - You may have a pattern for how you relate to your teen or adult child. A pattern may be triggered based on certain things your child does or says. That pattern may become a habit, coming out subconsciously without you even thinking about it. This pattern may shape the relationship and communication with your child. If
- [Do you find that your teen or adult child ignores you when you try to communicate?](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2022/09/22/do-you-find-that-your-teen-or-adult-child-ignores-you-when-you-try-to-communicate/) - Do you find that your teen or adult child ignores you when you try to communicate, tuning you out or not fully listening and just nodding? The thing is, communication cannot just be about the problems or issues. It cannot just be about their illness, medications, doctors, or addiction. When every interaction is about taking
- [If you want to take a step towards a more loving relationship with your teen/adult child, begin with thinking of all the things you love about them](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2022/09/19/if-you-want-to-take-a-step-towards-a-more-loving-relationship-with-your-teen-adult-child-begin-with-thinking-of-all-the-things-you-love-about-them/) - If you want to take a step towards a more loving relationship with your teen/adult child, begin with thinking of all the things you love about them. And if right now you are having some difficulties with conflict, communication, or whatever it is, I do understand this could be difficult at first. But think back
- [Are you stuck in grieving the loss of the way life used to be prior to your child’s mental illness or addiction?](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2022/09/19/are-you-stuck-in-grieving-the-loss-of-the-way-life-used-to-be-prior-to-your-childs-mental-illness-or-addiction/) - Are you stuck in grieving the loss of the way life used to be prior to your child’s mental illness or addiction? If so, I hear you, as I have been there too. I remember when all the childhood memories came flooding back to me, the happy easy joyful times where life felt more normal.
- [Focus your energy on the direction you want to go](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2022/09/05/focus-your-energy-on-the-direction-you-want-to-go/) - When you focus on what you don’t want to happen, you begin living as if that thing you don’t want is already happening. For example, if you are up all night worrying that your teen or adult child will stop their medication and go into a psychotic state, you are living your life as if
- [When you hear the word boundaries, do you think of something harsh?](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2022/08/25/when-you-hear-the-word-boundaries-do-you-think-of-something-harsh/) - When you hear the word boundaries, do you think of something harsh? Do you feel if you set boundaries with your teen or adult child that you will have to hold back your loving emotions in order to stick to your boundaries? If you answered yes to these questions, let’s work on changing your views
- [My upcoming book](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2022/08/23/my-upcoming-book-2/)
- [Are you still dealing with the same struggles month after month or year after year?](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2022/08/16/are-you-still-dealing-with-the-same-struggles-month-after-month-or-year-after-year/) - Sometimes it’s easy to put things off… you may reason with yourself “I can work on this later, time will help resolve this issue, I will figure this out later, I don’t have the resources.” And before you know it, later has turned into weeks, months, even years where nothing has changed. You are still
- [Peace begins with you](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2022/08/15/peace-begins-with-you/) - Part of finding peace in your life is accepting your own limitations of not being able to fix your teen or young adult child’s mental illness or addiction. As a parent, you may think you should be able to fix or control what happens with your son or daughter. You may see yourself as responsible
- [Are you feel stressed during interactions with your teen or young adult child and it seems like you are fighting against each other when it comes to their mental illness or addiction?](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2022/08/11/are-you-feel-stressed-during-interactions-with-your-teen-or-young-adult-child-and-it-seems-like-you-are-fighting-against-each-other-when-it-comes-to-their-mental-illness-or-addiction/) - If you feel stressed during interactions with your teen or young adult child and it seems like you are fighting against each other when it comes to their mental illness or addiction, you are not alone. Often they do not see things the same way you do. You start off on the same side… both
- [Acceptance is integral to finding peace in your life](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2022/08/08/acceptance-is-integral-to-finding-peace-in-your-life/) - If your teen or young adult is suffering from mental illness or addiction, acceptance is integral to finding peace in your life. Why? If your child is struggling with something, this means it is already happening. It is the current reality. Until you accept what is happening, your brain continues to fight against it. You
- [Podcast talking about mental illness and addiction](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2022/08/07/podcast-talking-about-mental-illness-and-addiction/) - In this podcast episode James Lumumba and I discuss mental illness and addiction in teens/young adults and my story with my son. SPOTIFY: https://open.spotify.com/episode/2242pedOY3lYWDk31CDvkG?si=eec3b453514a4f39 ITUNES: https://podcasts.apple.com/ie/podcast/losing-my-son-to-addiction-with-debbie-gail/id1583988945?i=1000575261447 ONLINE: https://www.podpage.com/dontbeafraidtotalkpodcast/
- [If you are in a constant state of stress, take a step back and make self care a priority](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2022/08/02/if-you-are-in-a-constant-state-of-stress-take-a-step-back-and-make-self-care-a-priority/) - When your child has mental illness or addiction, you may feel there is no other way than to feel in a constant state of stress. Maybe you have even become accustomed to it and so this state feels very familiar. Stress can be very damaging to your own health. And it can create an emotional
- [Have you found the best way to communicate with your teen or young adult child?](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2022/08/01/have-you-found-the-best-way-to-communicate-with-your-teen-or-young-adult-child/)
- [It’s possible to work on having a closer relationship with your teen or young adult child even while they are struggling with issues](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2022/07/29/its-possible-to-work-on-having-a-closer-relationship-with-your-teen-or-young-adult-child-even-while-they-are-struggling-with-issues/) - It’s possible to work on having a closer relationship with your teen or young adult child even while they are struggling with issues. You don’t have to wait until their mental illness is more under control, until they stop using drugs, or until they are making the decisions for their life that you agree with.
- [If you have a child who is struggling with mental illness or addiction, please do not blame yourself](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2022/07/26/if-you-have-a-child-who-is-struggling-with-mental-illness-or-addiction-please-do-not-blame-yourself/) - If you have a child who is struggling with mental illness or addiction, please do not blame yourself. If your teen or young adult child chooses to stop taking their medications or self medicates with drugs, it is not your fault. And it is not your fault they became ill in the first place. It
- [Is your mentally ill teen or young adult lashing out in anger and blaming you?](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2022/07/18/is-your-mentally-ill-teen-or-young-adult-lashing-out-in-anger-and-blaming-you/) - It may feel like your mentally ill teen or young adult child blames you for their illness, their problems, and whatever else is happening in their life. It may sometimes feel like they are so angry at you and even want to say hurtful things to you. But here is the thing to remember…this is
- [Grieving the loss of how your child was prior to illness](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2022/07/17/grieving-the-loss-of-how-your-child-was-prior-to-illness/) - When your teen or young adult has mental illness or addiction, one big thing you are going through is that life is much different than before. Your child is much different than before. How they communicate, their moods, their expressions, their abilities. Your relationship with them may be different too. Grieving the loss of how
- [You are not an extension of your child, you are a separate being with your own emotions and ability to create your own happiness](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2022/06/17/you-are-not-an-extension-of-your-child-you-are-a-separate-being-with-your-own-emotions-and-ability-to-create-your-own-happiness/) - Do you determine whether your day is good or bad based on whether your child is having a good or bad day? When you have a child who is mentally ill or is using drugs, life can feel unpredictable. Each day filled with uncertainty. Will they lash out at you in anger? Will they come home
- [Where is your focus?](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2022/07/11/where-is-your-focus/) - One of my favorite quotes is “where focus goes, energy flows” by Tony Robbins. I love it because it empowers me with the ability to choose whether I will experience more negativity or more positivity based on where my focus is. That way, I can focus my attention on what I want more of. I
- [Disconnection with your teen or young adult child](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2022/07/04/disconnection-with-your-teen-or-young-adult-child/) - If you are experiencing disconnection with your teen or young adult, I know this can sometimes feel very difficult as to how to go about becoming closer again. Especially when they struggle with mental illness or addiction and you both disagree about the path for them. You want them to be on their medications, be
- [Your mindset matters… your beliefs are related to your pain](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2022/07/05/your-mindset-matters-your-beliefs-are-related-to-your-pain/) - Since I started as a coach, one thing I have noticed is that one of the biggest things holding people back is their mindset. When they believe something they want isn’t possible for them, everything they say or do relates to how and why this thing won’t happen. So by their actions or inactions, they
- [It may seem like it’s not right to forgive your teen or young adult child for their unacceptable behavior because that would mean you are condoning it](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2022/06/28/it-may-seem-like-its-not-right-to-forgive-your-teen-or-young-adult-child-for-their-unacceptable-behavior-because-that-would-mean-you-are-condoning-it/) - It may seem like it’s not right to forgive your teen or young adult child for their unacceptable behavior because that would mean you are condoning it. But that is far from the truth. Forgiveness does not mean you agree with or are okay with what they said or did. Choosing to forgive your child
- [Focusing all your energy on things you can’t control won’t bring about change](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2022/06/23/focusing-all-your-energy-on-things-you-cant-control-wont-bring-about-change/) - Focusing all your energy on things you can’t control won’t bring about change. I know it can be frustrating when your mentally ill or addicted teen or young adult child refuses treatment. For them to truly get better, they have to be invested in getting help, getting better, feeling better. I know how much you
- [Some things you CAN do to have a positive impact on your relationship with your child](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2022/06/21/some-things-you-can-do-to-have-a-positive-impact-on-your-relationship-with-your-child/) - Is your relationship with your teen or young adult deteriorating? When you and your child are dealing with their mental illness or addiction, sometimes the relationship can suffer. They may lash out at you in anger, blame you, say unkind words to you, argue over treatment protocols… I know this can feel very difficult. You
- [When we try to control another person, it is two people fighting for control, and we repel them](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2022/06/14/when-we-try-to-control-another-person-it-is-two-people-fighting-for-control-and-we-repel-them/) - Maybe it may seem like the way to get your teen or young adult to change is to try to control them. But this will probably not work, and here’s why… We don’t actually have control over another person. We only have the illusion of control. When we try to control another person, it is
- [You can help your teen or young adult child by helping yourself](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2022/06/09/you-can-help-your-teen-or-young-adult-child-by-helping-yourself/) - You can help your teen or young adult child by helping yourself. Maybe you are thinking you need to devote all of your energy to the challenges you are going through with your child. But when you focus on your own self-love and self-care, you not only help your own emotional well-being, you also put yourself
- [Sharing my story so other parents won’t feel alone](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2022/06/09/sharing-my-story-so-other-parents-wont-feel-alone/) - I was CONSUMED by fear. Every single day… I would love to share my story, so that other parents on a similar journey don’t feel alone and can have hope. Of how I turned the fear into a life of peace and purpose. A life where I was able to build a loving relationship with
- [Don’t get stuck because you can’t fix or change the situation](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2022/06/07/dont-get-stuck-because-you-cant-fix-or-change-the-situation/) - When you are faced with a challenging situation with your teen or young adult, don’t get stuck because you can’t fix or change the situation. It is easy to get caught up in what you can’t do. You don’t have control over other people or situations. And in most cases, the difficult situation is already
- [You CAN find inner peace – even during these turbulent times for your teen/young adult child](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2022/06/04/you-can-find-inner-peace-even-during-these-turbulent-times-for-your-teen-young-adult-child/) - You CAN find inner peace – even during these turbulent times for your teen/young adult child. I know when your child has mental illness or addiction you can become consumed by fear. And peace may be the furthest thing from your mind. Maybe there are times when your fear subsides and you feel some temporary
- [Keeping the lines of communication open is critical](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2022/06/02/keeping-the-lines-of-communication-open-is-critical/) - Keeping the lines of communication open can be critical when your teen or young adult is suffering from mental illness or addiction. It is important to be that safe space for them to come to, no matter what they are dealing with. Here are some tips for being that safe space for them: Be a
- [A key to acceptance of your child’s mental illness or addiction](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2022/06/01/a-key-to-acceptance-of-your-childs-mental-illness-or-addiction/) - When your child has a mental illness or addiction, life is not the same as before their illness. It is likely that not only are you experiencing new challenges, but you are seeing differences in your child. His or her actions, behaviors, abilities, things they enjoy, and how they relate to the world may be different
- [Are you focused more on love or fear?](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2022/05/31/are-you-focused-more-on-love-or-fear/) - If you have a child with mental illness or addiction, you may be living in fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of something negative happening. Even when things seem to be going better, you may be worrying about when the next thing will happen (fear the next show will drop). When you are so focused
- [Remembering these things if your child struggles with mental health is important to your relationship](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2022/05/30/remembering-these-things-if-your-child-struggles-with-mental-health-is-important-to-your-relationship/) - If you have a child who is suffering from depression or is struggling in any way with their mental health or addiction, it is important to your relationship with your child to remember: They are suffering from an illness It is not anyone’s fault, no one is to blame…not them, not you They are not
- [My upcoming book!](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2022/05/12/my-upcoming-book/) - I am so excited that I just submitted my book proposal for the Hay House Writer’s Membership contest! I have been working on my book proposal the past 2.5 months while also writing my book. Through sharing my story of the love and loss of my son through his mental illness and addiction and how
- [Sometimes it can feel difficult when your teen or young adult child takes a different path from the one you would like for them](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2022/05/26/sometimes-it-can-feel-difficult-when-your-teen-or-young-adult-child-takes-a-different-path-from-the-one-you-would-like-for-them/) - Sometimes it can feel difficult when your teen or young adult child takes a different path from the one you would like for them. I know, as I have been there with my oldest son. When you try to take control, you may feel frustrated and begin to realize you can’t make them do things your
- [Have you ever noticed that you feel more peaceful and less stressed when you don’t take personally what your teen or young adult child does?](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2022/05/20/have-you-ever-noticed-that-you-feel-more-peaceful-and-less-stressed-when-you-dont-take-personally-what-your-teen-or-young-adult-child-does/) - Have you ever noticed that you feel more peaceful and less stressed when you don’t take personally what your teen or young adult child does? When you take things personally, you begin to focus on what you did wrong or what you did to cause what your child is doing or saying. It is important
- [Are you experiencing painful emotions such as sadness, fear, anger?](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2022/05/18/are-you-experiencing-painful-emotions-such-as-sadness-fear-anger/) - Are you experiencing painful emotions such as sadness, fear, anger? Painful emotions are clues we may need to make a change. If you ignore your emotion, it won’t get better, it will likely persist. If you can’t change the situation that is happening, you can change your interpretation of the experience. For example, when my
- [What if?](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2022/05/17/what-if/) - What if? Are these words defining how you are living your life as the parent of a teen or young adult child? What if he hangs out with friends who are using drugs? What if she starts drinking again? What if he overdoses? Are you imagining the worst and always anticipating what may go wrong next?
- [Self blame and self judgment can be destructive for parents and ultimately lead to isolation](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2022/05/15/self-blame-and-self-judgment-can-be-destructive-for-parents-and-ultimately-lead-to-isolation/) - Self blame and self judgment can be destructive for parents and ultimately lead to isolation. If your teen or young adult child has mental illness or drug or alcohol addiction, I know this can be especially hard. If you feel shame over the chaos, you may find it difficult to share what you’re going through
- [Do you find yourself putting your feelings on hold in order to tend to others?](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2022/05/15/do-you-find-yourself-putting-your-feelings-on-hold-in-order-to-tend-to-others-2/) - Do you find yourself putting your feelings on hold in order to tend to others? When you have been experiencing difficulties with your teen or young adult, whether from their depression, mental illness, drug or alcohol use, or anything else causing a challenge, you may not even realize that what you feel is coming second
- [How I handled fear on my parenting journey](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2022/05/12/how-i-handled-fear-on-my-parenting-journey/) - If you are a parent of a child with mental illness or addiction who is feeling overwhelmed with fear, you don’t want to miss this segment from last week where I was a guest on The Kornelia Stephanie Show: Stories That Inspire Hope with Kornelia Stephanie and Friends. Use the links below to hear how
- [If your child has a mental illness or is using drugs or alcohol, life can feel unpredictable](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2022/05/12/if-your-child-has-a-mental-illness-or-is-using-drugs-or-alcohol-life-can-feel-unpredictable/) - If your child has a mental illness or is using drugs or alcohol, life can feel unpredictable. Giving you a lot of uncertainty as to what will happen. Uncertainty that results in you hanging on tight to the need for things to be certain. One crisis after another can actually meet that need for certainty,
- [Do you find yourself putting your feelings on hold in order to tend to others?](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2022/05/12/do-you-find-yourself-putting-your-feelings-on-hold-in-order-to-tend-to-others/) - Do you find yourself putting your feelings on hold in order to tend to others? When you have been experiencing difficulties with your teen or young adult, whether from their depression, mental illness, drug or alcohol use, or anything else causing a challenge, you may not even realize that what you feel is coming second
- [Living in the now is where happiness, joy and love are created](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2022/05/10/living-in-the-now-is-where-happiness-joy-and-love-are-created/) - What you are focusing on may be preventing you from living in the present, finding joy and connecting with yourself. Where is your focus? If you are focusing on something that happened in the past (whether it was yesterday, one year ago or twenty years ago) or what may or may not happen in the
- [Are you living in anticipation of the next thing that could go wrong?](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2022/05/09/are-you-living-in-anticipation-of-the-next-thing-that-could-go-wrong/) - Are you living in anticipation of the next thing that could go wrong? Living with the fear of what might happen can be hard emotionally. It occupies your mind and can overtake other areas of your life. Even during periods where things are going well, you may find the fear still with you, fear that
- [Happy Mother’s Day](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2022/05/08/happy-mothers-day/) - Happy Mother’s Day to all mothers! You are truly a gift, remember that always. On this special day to honor you, remember that whatever is happening you are loved and you are not alone. Today can be a difficult day for some, especially if you have lost a child or are struggling in your relationship
- [Constant focus on crises may leave you with little time or energy for yourself or the things you enjoy](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2022/05/06/constant-focus-on-crises-may-leave-you-with-little-time-or-energy-for-yourself-or-the-things-you-enjoy/) - When you are so focused on challenges with your teen or young adult child, you may feel you are losing connection with yourself. Constant focus on crises may leave you with little time or energy for yourself or the things you enjoy. Life may become all about the problems. Losing sight of joys. Start by
- [Accept the changes and what is happening in the present](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2022/04/28/accept-the-changes-and-what-is-happening-in-the-present/) - If your child begins using drugs or alcohol or has a mental illness in their teens or young adulthood, not only is life different but they may be different too. They may not enjoy the same activities they once did, have the same social life, relate to you in the same way, or handle things
- [What are you focusing on?](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2022/04/21/what-are-you-focusing-on/) - So many times we focus on what is not working, what is wrong, what we fear…the result? We feel unhappy, anxious, upset. Creating a routine every morning and evening to shift your focus from the negative to the positive will shift your energy, which will help you create more positive experiences for yourself. Your energy matters most
- [Judgment](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2022/04/18/judgment/)
- [Appreciation](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2022/04/15/appreciation/) - When you take a moment and reflect on something you can appreciate, big or small, it can shift your whole mindset from resentment or sadness or anger to something more positive. Focusing your energy on something you appreciate allows you to attract more positive experiences that you can appreciate…whether these are new experiences or just
- [Forgiveness](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2022/03/29/forgiveness/) - Do you hang on to something your teen or young adult did that was wrong or something he or she said that felt hurtful? Do these past experiences seem to affect your relationship now? Does a part of you feel you can’t or shouldn’t forgive them? Forgiveness is an act of self love. It is
- [Are you experiencing tension and disconnection in your relationship with your teen or young adult?](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2022/03/27/are-you-experiencing-tension-and-disconnection-in-your-relationship-with-your-teen-or-young-adult/)
- [Are you feeling frustrated with the communication with your teen or young adult?](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2022/03/22/are-you-feeling-frustrated-with-the-communication-with-your-teen-or-young-adult/) - If you are a parent who is feeling frustrated with the communication with your teen or young adult, here are some steps you can take to improve communication: Be a good listener. As a parent, it can be easy to forget to be a good listener. You may be so busy talking about what you
- [3 steps for finding peace and love amidst the tears – free challenge for parents of teens/young adults who have mental illness or addiction](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2022/03/21/3-steps-for-finding-peace-and-love-amidst-the-tears-free-challenge-for-parents-of-teens-young-adults-who-have-mental-illness-or-addiction/) - 3 Steps for Finding Peace and Love Amidst the Tears: A FREE challenge for parents of teens or young adults who have mental illness or addiction. If you are a parent of a teen or young adult suffering from mental illness and/or addiction, are you frustrated with constant conflicts with your son or daughter? Is
- [Do you find yourself criticizing your teen or young adult?](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2022/03/20/do-you-find-yourself-criticizing-your-teen-or-young-adult/) - Do you find yourself criticizing your teen or young adult child often? This can happen when you lose trust, even for a moment. Maybe you don’t agree with the friends they have chosen or how they are spending their time. The thing is, you don’t have to agree with everything they do in order to
- [I am meant for more](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2022/03/08/i-am-meant-for-more/) - I am meant for more. Did you ever feel that way? That whether or not you love what you’re doing, you have that feeling deep in your soul that you were meant for more. That’s how I have felt. After losing my 26 year old son, I did a lot of soul searching as to
- [There is light, there is hope](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2022/03/02/there-is-light-there-is-hope/) - If your son or daughter has been diagnosed with a mental illness, you may be feeling many different things… fear, confusion, sadness, overwhelm, despair, or other emotions. First, know that no one is at fault. Not you. Not them. Second, accept what is happening. Your son or daughter needs to feel you are behind them
- [Are you making what your teen or young adult does about you?](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2022/03/01/are-you-making-what-your-teen-or-young-adult-does-about-you/) - If you are struggling in your relationship with your son or daughter, you may be making what he or she is doing about you. You can’t both accept them for who they are and take their actions and choices personally. This doesn’t mean you need to agree with their decisions. But accepting who they are
- [What happens when you feel your problems with your child are personal or pervasive](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2022/02/28/what-happens-when-you-feel-your-problems-with-your-child-are-personal-or-pervasive/) - As a parent, you may have certain hopes, dreams, and even expectations of how you want your children to grow up. As they go through their teen years into young adulthood, their roadmap may not be the same as yours. A lot of tension can result when what is actually happening isn’t what you hoped
- [Is your love and energy flowing to what truly matters most?](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2022/01/21/is-your-love-and-energy-flowing-to-what-truly-matters-most/) - What once seemed like important issues, now seem trivial. Many things I spent time worrying about now don’t even seem to matter. Things I once thought were important now seem not worth spending time and energy worrying about. Even recent occurrences such as some of our trees falling in a storm, not having power and
- [Life is precious](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2022/01/02/life-is-precious/) - The day before New Years Eve, our 9 month old boxer puppy was hit by a car in front of our country home. It happened so fast …one minute she was playing in the house, the next she got out front for just a minute and was hit. She died shortly after we got her to the
- [My story](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2021/12/24/my-story/) - If you are feeling down this holiday season while those around you seem happy and joyful, I completely understand how you feel, and I want to share my story with you. Years ago I spent too long in an unhappy marriage. It was a toxic relationship. Holidays were unpredictable and seemed to mostly get ruined by my
- [What is the meaning?](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2021/12/21/what-is-the-meaning/) - Is this time of year feeling hard for you? If so, consider this question- What do the holidays mean to you? See, the thing is, the meaning you give something has everything to do with how you feel. If this time of year means pain and past hurt, then you may struggle with feeling down. If
- [How your assumptions affect communucation](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2021/12/20/how-your-assumptions-affect-communucation/) - Healing hurt, pain, anger, and insecurity from past relationships is important to be able to lovingly communicate with your partner. If you ever struggle with communication in your relationship, you may be unknowingly making assumptions. Your assumptions about what you think your partner is saying play a huge role in how you hear and respond,
- [Happy Thanksgiving](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2021/11/25/happy-thanksgiving-2/) - Happy Thanksgiving! 🦃🍁🍽 Wherever you are in your life, reflecting on what you can appreciate is your key 🔑 to a happy and fulfilled life. While we don’t need a day to remind us to be thankful, we can still use this opportunity to reflect on what we are grateful for, in our lives and
- [Focus on your desire, not your fear](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2021/11/04/focus-on-your-desire-not-your-fear/) - How much time do you spend focusing on what you want versus what you fear? For example, do you spend a lot of time worrying about whether the relationship will last, whether he loves you, whether he will continue asking you out? How would it feel to instead focus on what you want…that extraordinary relationship
- [How do you identify yourself?](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2021/10/29/how-do-you-identify-yourself/) - Have you ever made a positive change only to find that later your old way of doing things or your old way of thinking returned? Maybe after a difficult divorce you work on loving yourself and feeling worthy of a relationship. You feel ready to date and you get into a relationship and your fears creep
- [How positive sayings and mantras can help us](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2021/10/11/how-positive-sayings-and-mantras-can-help-us/) - One of my favorite sayings is “life is always happening for you, not to you” by Tony Robbins. I love it because life isn’t always smooth. Things don’t always happen the way we want them to or expect them to. Some moments can feel really tough, sad, difficult, challenging…. Things do not always go perfectly. And in
- [Be what you desire](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2021/09/14/be-what-you-desire/) - If you want to feel more love, put yourself in a loving state. Instead of getting angry when you feel that people are not giving you the love you desire, expect, deserve…change your state. How can you get into a loving state? Smile Changing your physiology in this way can help put you in a
- [Slow down. Enjoy the moment. Love with all your heart.](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2021/09/12/slow-down-enjoy-the-moment-love-with-all-your-heart/) - What happened on 9/11 twenty years ago today is truly heartbreaking. So many lives lost after starting their day as they normally would. So many families couldn’t even say goodbye to their partner, parent, child, friend. Life is precious and so are our loved ones. It is not worth it to harbor anger and resentment or to
- [How to stay in your positive energy even when others around you are negative](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2021/09/09/how-to-stay-in-your-positive-energy-even-when-others-around-you-are-negative/) - Do you absorb other peoples’ energy? For example, you wake up in the morning feeling happy and excited to start your day. Then you realize your partner is upset about his day, his work, his stresses and is in a negative mood all day. What happens to your energy? If you answered that it goes down, you
- [Are you clear on your “why”?](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2021/09/07/are-you-clear-on-your-why/) - Have you ever really wanted something but either you didn’t stay motivated to do the steps to make it possible or you took some steps but then sabotaged it? For example, you really want a loving relationship but you find yourself stuck and not doing the things to bring you closer to a loving relationship…
- [Heart connection](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2021/08/30/heart-connection/) - If you have ever been in a relationship but felt alone, I hear you. You want the kind of partner who listens intently to your every word, knows you inside and out so he can feel and empathize with your struggles, someone who makes you truly feel heard and understood. And he wants this too. How
- [Do you want more joy in your relationship? Where is you focus?](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2021/08/22/do-you-want-more-joy-in-your-relationship-where-is-you-focus/) - If you want more joy in your relationship, you need to focus on joyful things. What you focus on you feel. So, if you are not feeling the joy in your relationship, take an inventory… Are you focusing on what your partner is not doing and then getting angry? Focusing on what he is not doing every
- [Don’t wait for pain to motivate change](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2021/08/21/dont-wait-for-pain-to-motivate-change/) - Pain motivates change which is why sometimes it takes something really big to make a shift in energy or action. For example, if a partner says they want to leave the relationship, the other person may suddenly be motivated to take action such as being more loving, caring and appreciative. Or when a loved one
- [Healing with celery juice](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2021/08/18/healing-with-celery-juice/) - I want to share an exciting drink that I have found in my healing journey. CELERY JUICE!! – Celery Juice Can Help You Reach Your Vitamin and Mineral Goals. … – Celery Juice Provides Beneficial Antioxidants. … – Celery Juice Flushes toxins from the liver and brain… – Celery Juice Can Help Keep You Hydrated.
- [Journaling as a part of your life journey](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2021/08/17/journaling-as-a-part-of-your-life-journey/) - I love journaling. It gives me peace, clarity, focus, and a sense of calm. Journaling can be an important part of creating the relationship you desire… by focusing your energy on what you want and why you want it. Start with your desired outcome. For example, if you are looking for a relationship (or are in a
- [How your expectations impact your relationship](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2021/08/12/how-your-expectations-impact-your-relationship/) - Whether you are happy or not in your relationship has a lot to do with whether your expectations about how your relationship should be match how you are experiencing it. Many times we have an image or picture about how something should look. It may be based on what we observed of role models as a
- [Create an extraordinary relationship](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2021/05/29/create-an-extraordinary-relationship/) - Have you ever wondered why some people’s relationships seem to be extraordinary and others seem to be strained? Is there a secret that you are not aware of to creating a high quality relationship? Start by asking yourself how much of yourself you are sharing in your relationship. Sharing yourself can help build an extraordinary
- [Dream it, feel it, live it, take action!](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2021/02/28/dream-it-feel-it-live-it-take-action/) - How do you want your life to look next year, 5 years from now, 10 years from now? Whether your life right now is exactly where you want it to be or not, having a clear picture of where you want to be is important! When you can spend time imagining and dreaming of what
- [Focus on those happy shared experiences](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2020/02/26/focus-on-those-happy-shared-experiences/) - Do you spend time focusing on what is not going the way you hoped, what you feel your partner is not doing for you, what you wish your partner would do differently? Are you spending your time and energy on these thoughts, rather than on thoughts of appreciation for what your partner does, who your
- [What is your emotional state?](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2020/02/19/what-is-your-emotional-state/) - Emotions are a part of us, and we have more control over them than we may think. Our emotions are a result of our thoughts and beliefs about our experiences and the information we take in. Living primarily in the emotional state(s) you desire is absolutely attainable. This is because you have control over what
- [What is your vision and does it match your underlying question?](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2020/12/30/what-is-your-vision-and-does-it-match-your-underlying-question/) - What question do you ask yourself, consciously or subconsciously? What do I mean? You may not even be aware but at some level there is an underlying question you are continuously asking and searching for answers to. Whatever it is, you will look for and find answers to it, in everything that happens in your life.
- [Are you judgmental of your partner without realizing it?](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2020/11/01/are-you-judgmental-of-your-partner-without-realizing-it/) - Is it possible to inadvertently judge your partner in your relationship, even when you think you are not being judgmental? Maybe sometimes you minimize his feelings and other times you acknowledge them. For example, he is feeling down because he has work stress because the company is going through some big changes. He confides in you
- [Choosing presence and appreciation](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2020/07/13/choosing-presence-and-appreciation/) - There may be times when things do not happen the way you are wanting and in those times I encourage you to choose hope, appreciation and acceptance. When you get caught up in something not going your way, you expend lots of extra energy. Energy fighting it. Energy trying to change it. Energy that is
- [How your relationship with yourself impacts your relationship with others](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2020/05/17/how-your-relationship-with-yourself-impacts-your-relationship-with-others/) - How you relate with others has everything to do with how you relate with yourself. What do I mean by this? Experiencing feelings of not being enough or of unworthiness can result in inadvertently wanting to shut down and withdrawing from others, maybe not physically but energetically. Maybe you think this is just something that
- [Connect with your power](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2020/05/02/connect-with-your-power/) - When you are feeling stressed or triggered, it can bring you down if you allow it to. You can easily become focused on what isn’t working out for you or isn’t going well in your life. This is because when you are feeling negative you see the world through those eyes and subconsciously look for
- [Finding connection amid quarantine](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2020/04/05/finding-connection-amid-quarantine/) - If you are feeling disconnected from friends, family and loved ones amid the social distancing and stay at home laws, I know this can make a stressful situation even more difficult. During times of stress people typically come together and support each other. While you are being asked to physically distance you should not emotionally
- [Coping with the uncertainty and fear](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2020/03/20/coping-with-the-uncertainty-and-fear/) - With the current COVID-19 pandemic, maybe you are wondering how you can cope with so much uncertainty. If you are watching the news or reading it online, it can feel very scary. Sometimes it is the uncertainty in a situation that can cause the most fear. Not knowing what will happen, the full affects, how
- [Gratitude and appreciation](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2020/02/29/gratitude-and-appreciation/) - Gratitude and appreciation are very powerful. Allowing yourself to focus on something in your life you can be grateful for has the ability to transform your overall vibration almost instantaneously. If you focus on a problem or a negative thought or anything that you think is not working out for you, you are likely to feel
- [Are you spending your time and energy resisting?](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2020/02/23/are-you-spending-your-time-and-energy-resisting/) - Do you believe things happen for a reason and unfold the way they are supposed to? When you can trust in this you are less likely to try to resist what is happening. Even when life brings challenges, resisting them is not helpful or a good use of your energy. Why? Because the reality is that the situation
- [Happy Valentines Day](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2020/02/14/happy-valentines-day-2/) - Happy Valentine’s Day! On this day that is traditionally about love, consider how can you commit to connecting with love in your life. It is not enough to have the desire for love, you also need to take action. Here are some ideas for you to consider: Let go of expectations of yourself and others. Expectations create
- [Do you fear being different or not being accepted?](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2020/02/07/do-you-fear-being-different-or-not-being-accepted/) - Sometimes we create an image of who we think we need to be. To be loved. To be accepted. To fit in. To not be too different. Creating and living this image erodes our own love for ourselves. Because we are no longer accepting who we truly are. We are not respecting our uniqueness. I want to share my own experience dealing
- [Are you open to getting to know others?](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2020/02/01/are-you-open-to-getting-to-know-others/) - Do you spend the time to get to know someone you are dating or do you project on him the qualities you want him to be? When you project an image onto someone it takes away your openness to see who he really is and whether you two are compatible for a relationship. There are
- [How does giving make you feel?](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2020/01/31/how-does-giving-make-you-feel/) - How does giving make you feel? If you feel happy and fulfilled when you give of your time, energy, gifts, your giving is coming from love. If you feel drained and resentful, your giving is likely coming from a place of control and fear. When you do something for someone or give them a gift,
- [How do you show up for yourself?](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2020/01/27/how-do-you-show-up-for-yourself/) - How you show up for yourself is directly related to how others show up for you. This includes your partner or a partner you attract. This also includes your friends. If you don’t show yourself compassion and understanding when you say or do something you didn’t mean to, this is what others will mirror back. Maybe you are
- [You are where you are](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2020/01/23/you-are-where-you-are/) - You are where you are. This may sound like a simple statement but so many times we do not accept this. We don’t like where we are…we either want to return to how we think we once were or we are in a rush to get to a new place. Yes growth is wonderful. Yes aspiring
- [Do you have moment to moment awareness?](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2020/01/20/do-you-have-moment-to-moment-awareness/) - On this journey of growth I have learned that getting stuck is an opportunity to halt a pattern that may not be beneficial. Getting stuck can be from holding on to something that is negative. Of course you probably don’t want to hold the negative experience close to you but it can continue to hold your
- [Soar beyond your fears!](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2019/12/30/soar-beyond-your-fears/) - There are only a couple days left in 2019! A big commitment I would love to see you make to yourself in the new year is to not allow your fears to stop you. To not allow your fears to guide you in your decisions. To not allow your fears to stand in the way of
- [Your beliefs about your goals and dreams…](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2019/12/28/your-beliefs-about-your-goals-and-dreams/) - With a new year and new decade approaching, this is a good time to focus on goals, visions, dreams you have for yourself. I have found that the biggest obstacle for many people has been their beliefs. Not believing what they desire is possible for them, not believing they are worthy of having what they desire,
- [Merry Christmas and happy holidays to everyone!](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2019/12/25/merry-christmas-and-happy-holidays-to-everyone/) - Merry Christmas and happy holidays to everyone! What do the holidays mean to you? To me, the holidays mean love. Love for myself and love for those people in my life that are dear to me. The best gift you can ever have is love and peace within yourself. This is a gift only you can give
- [Have you ever asked yourself “How can I make myself happy during this holiday season?”](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2019/12/14/have-you-ever-asked-yourself-how-can-i-make-myself-happy-during-this-holiday-season/) - Have you ever asked yourself “How can I make myself happy during this holiday season?” Or do you depend on everyone else to make you happy. To figure out what you would enjoy, to figure out if you have triggers this time of year that make you sad, to figure out how you want to spend
- [Thanksgiving and what to do if you’re feeling stuck](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2019/11/23/thanksgiving-and-what-to-do-if-youre-feeling-stuck/) - Thanksgiving is less than a week away. It is another opportunity to reflect on what you have in your life that you are thankful for. Many times, focusing on what you are thankful for, what is positive and what you can appreciate can shift your mindset and your energy and you begin to feel good rather than
- [Are your beliefs aligned with your desire for happiness?](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2019/11/09/are-your-beliefs-aligned-with-your-desire-for-happiness/) - In coaching and in my own life, I have realized how powerful our own negative beliefs and “stories” can be in shaping how we feel. So powerful that they will hijack your joy and happiness in the present and make you feel awful when you believe in them. This is why you have to become aware
- [Are your feelings your guide?](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2019/10/18/are-your-feelings-your-guide/) - While letting your feelings be your guide in your relationship is important, if those feelings are based on triggers or fears or being stuck in the past, you may not want to be too quick to take action based on them. Why? Making decisions based on your feelings when it’s actually your own inner thoughts
- [Intensive SI “boot camp” training](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2019/10/15/intensive-si-boot-camp-training/) - I just returned from a truly amazing coach training experience! This four day advanced training in Boston, Massachusetts was such a powerful and enriching experience! So much growth and so many amazing people! I feel very grateful to be a part of this amazing experience and very much appreciate the wonderful coaches at Strategic Intervention
- [When your interactions with people feel like hard work…](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2019/09/28/when-your-interactions-with-people-feel-like-hard-work-2/) - I often talk about authenticity and being your true self…in your relationships and in your life. I recently worked with a client who was feeling drained and her relationship felt like hard work. We discovered that she had expectations about how she should be as a person. From an early age, she began molding herself into who
- [When your interactions with people feel like hard work…](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2019/09/28/when-your-interactions-with-people-feel-like-hard-work/) - I often talk about authenticity and being your true self…in your relationships and in your life. I recently worked with a client who was feeling drained and her relationship felt like hard work. We discovered that she had expectations about how she should be as a person. From an early age, she began molding herself into who
- [Attending TIFF](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2019/09/16/attending-tiff/) - I had such an amazing time visiting my very good friend Navi and attending the Toronto Film Festival with her! It was so much fun to see so many movie premieres. Movies we saw – True History of the Kelly Gang, Lucy in the Sky, American Woman, Clemency, Marriage Story, Endings and Beginnings I feel
- [How much time do you spend really being present?](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2019/09/16/how-much-time-do-you-spend-really-being-present/) - How much time do you spend really being in the present? Maybe you think you are present but how much time do you spend overthinking your earlier conversation? Focusing on how another person feels about you? Worrying about what will happen tomorrow? Thinking about how you can get someone to like you or how you
- [Emotional safety…what do you need to feel it and why it’s important](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2019/08/24/emotional-safetywhat-do-you-need-to-feel-it-and-why-its-important/) - What do you need to feel emotionally safe in a relationship and why is this important? In order to grow closer to another person, you need to be able to open your heart. And in order to open your heart you need to feel safe. Different people may need different things to feel safe. For example, you
- [What if the process IS the result?](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2019/08/17/what-if-the-process-is-the-result/) - What if the process IS the result? What do I mean? When you are focused solely on getting to a certain place…such as telling yourself you’ll be happy when you reach it… “I will be happy when I get married or get into a relationship, you attach your happiness to a specific result or outcome. You
- [What stories are you telling yourself?](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2019/08/13/what-stories-are-you-telling-yourself/) - What stories are you telling yourself? How do you know if you are creating stories? Your emotions can be your clue because you may suddenly feel sad or unhappy or triggered. Your stories may be caused by events in your past (and your subconscious beliefs that past patterns will repeat themselves), by negative beliefs about
- [What is your relationship with time?](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2019/08/03/what-is-your-relationship-with-time/) - My relationship with time has been an interesting one. I used to have a strained relationship with time. I felt stress related to time…such as feeling there is not enough time to do something or I felt like something needed to happen right away. I realized that in those moments, time represented a lack, an
- [Do you need to let go?](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2019/07/28/do-you-need-to-let-go/) - You may hear friends or family or others telling you to let go…of the outcome, of control, of a relationship, of a person…whatever it may be. When you think about letting go, you want to remember that you don’t have control over anyone or anything but yourself. You can’t force an outcome. You don’t own
- [Connecting with your intuition](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2019/07/22/connecting-with-your-intuition/) - Do you ever feel the answers you need will come from someone else? Like you need to find out what others want, think, feel about whatever it is that is happening with you? This comes from being disconnected from yourself, from your emotions, from your truth, from your own intuition. The truth, your truth, always comes
- [Do you accept others or try to change them?](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2019/07/19/do-you-accept-others-or-try-to-change-them/) - You either accept people the way they are or you don’t. You have that power to make a choice for yourself. But you don’t have the option to change them because you don’t have control over anyone else but yourself. Once you accept this truth, it will change how you approach relationships. If you view
- [Your beliefs matter more than you may think!](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2019/07/02/your-beliefs-matter-more-than-you-may-think/) - You interpret everything you see in the world through your own belief system. Your beliefs even affect the way you view yourself. Knowing this is a step closer to your happiness. Why? In order to see and appreciate the good and positive things in life, you have to be able to believe in the good.
- [Expectations and obligations…how they affect your relationship and your happiness](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2019/06/21/expectations-and-obligationshow-they-affect-your-relationship-and-your-happiness/) - Is your relationship full of expectations? Is what you or your partner do or say based on obligations? Maybe you are not even aware this is happening. But ask yourself…do you place expectations on yourself for how you need to show up, do you place expectations on him, and do you feel like he has expectations
- [Are you honoring yourself?](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2019/06/19/are-you-honoring-yourself/) - Hold close to your heart what is dear to you. This includes your emotions, values and desires. One way to do this is by honoring yourself in your relationship. It all begins by gaining clarity on how you want a relationship to look and feel for you and then connecting with this vision. Without clarity
- [Urgency to get into a relationship doesn’t work](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2019/06/09/urgency-to-get-into-a-relationship-doesnt-work/) - When you are desiring an amazing relationship, make sure you are coming from a place of abundance and not lack. What do I mean? Abundance that you know how to make yourself happy and you are not dependent on others to do this for you. Abundance that allows you to get to know a person for
- [Do you focus on quick answers or lasting change?](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2019/06/02/do-you-focus-on-quick-answers-or-lasting-change/) - It may sometimes feel easier to find a quick fix for a problem. Treating the symptoms rather than the cause. An easy answer rather than deeper inner work to bring about positive change. The thing is, while many of us desire to feel good and not feel bad, we are not always willing to do
- [Are you on a journey of growth?](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2019/05/24/are-you-on-a-journey-of-growth/) - When you want to grow and find greater happiness and love, you have to be able to move beyond your comfort zone. To stay where you are is easy. You take less risk and there is less uncertainty. But there is limited potential. Because when you are not growing you are dying. You have unlimited potential for growth,
- [The truth about what you believe](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2019/05/20/the-truth-about-what-you-believe/) - What you believe to be true about yourself is so powerful! Do you know how powerful your own energy is? What you believe to be true about yourself will affect who you attract into your life, how others see you, and what they believe about you. For example, if you believe you are inferior because
- [How important is your relationship with yourself?](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2019/05/11/how-important-is-your-relationship-with-yourself/) - As a life and relationship coach I help many women create happier relationships…with their partner and everyone else in their lives, including the most important relationship…the one with themselves. One reason (and there are many) it’s important to have a great relationship with yourself is that this affects the space from which you enter into
- [Dealing with blame and negativity](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2019/05/04/dealing-with-blame-and-negativity/) - Have you ever come across someone who is negative all the time? We probably all have, and we have a choice as to how much we allow their negative energy to affect our own energy, our own mood. It’s so easy to allow it to, but you can change how you view this person and
- [Are you living your life based on fear or love?](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2019/04/26/are-you-living-your-life-based-on-fear-or-love/) - Are you living your life based on fear or love? Which are you committed to energetically? Next time you do something for your partner or anyone in your life, ask yourself if you are doing it because it makes you feel good to do it and it’s from a place of love? Or if you’re doing
- [Your happiness lies within you](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2019/04/20/your-happiness-lies-within-you/) - Several people have commented lately that my energy is so positive and I’m such a happy person. I haven’t always been this way. But I learned that I do have the power to choose how I want to live my life and I have the power over my own happiness. How? Whenever possible I choose to
- [How judgment can affect your life](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2019/04/10/how-judgment-can-affect-your-life/) - Do you keep quiet and are afraid to share parts of your life and yourself? Do you change your behavior or deny your emotions to conform to what you think others want? If so, you may be acting out of fear. Fear of being judged by others. Fear they will reject you. Fear you are
- [How trying to solve others problems can be damaging to a relationship](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2019/04/04/how-trying-to-solve-others-problems-can-be-damaging-to-a-relationship/) - Do you try to solve problems and issues for your partner when you aren’t asked to do so? If you do, you may be inadvertently pushing him away. When you do this, the message it sends is I don’t trust you to take care of this so I must do it for you. You send
- [Certainty plus uncertainty](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2019/04/03/certainty-plus-uncertainty/) - Certainty is one of the six needs we have…it means something you can count on, predictability, stability…even commitment. We need some degree of certainty in our lives and relationships…how much depends on each individual. You can meet this need for yourself by having routines and structure in your day, week, life. Predictable things you can
- [Are you committed to you?](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2019/03/30/are-you-committed-to-you/) - I talk a lot about commitment to yourself and how this is an important part of self love. One example of commitment to yourself is honoring yourself and your values. Commitment to one’s self means following through on something…setting an intention for yourself. When you set an intention to honor yourself and your values, you
- [Abundance or scarcity?](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2019/03/24/abundance-or-scarcity/) - What do you see when you look out into the world? What you see has so much to do with what your experience will be. Do you see abundance in everything? Do you think wow this sunshine feels so beautiful…There are so many friendly people…. Do you think to yourself…I know the right partner for
- [Are you allowing your friends to dictate your relationship?](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2019/03/21/are-you-allowing-your-friends-to-dictate-your-relationship/) - Are you allowing your friends to dictate your relationship? I know you value your friendships and your friends mean well, yet if you want a chance for a lasting relationship based on authenticity, taking relationship advice from your friends may not be serving you. Here’s why- Every relationship is unique, as every person is unique.
- [Do You Feel the Need to Do Things Perfectly?](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2019/03/11/do-you-feel-the-need-to-do-things-perfectly/) - Do you ever feel like if you could just do something perfectly, you would be happier or more successful or more popular? This need to do things perfectly can be doing you more harm than good. While you may feel like it makes you more productive or accomplished, it is actually damaging your love for
- [Happy International Womens Day](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2019/03/08/happy-international-womens-day/) - Happy International Women’s Day! Don’t allow yourself to lose touch with that part of you that is your truth. What do I mean? If you have ever tried to mold yourself into someone who is what someone else wanted you to be, you slowly over time begin to lose part of your true self.
- [How do you know if you are in a right relationship that isn’t right for you?](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2019/03/02/how-do-you-know-if-you-are-in-a-right-relationship-that-isnt-right-for-you/) - How many times do you stay in a relationship that isn’t right for you? There are several reasons this can happen- you are not being honest with yourself…about the situation, your emotions. You see the world through your own lens so it is important to figure out what is the truth. facing the truth
- [Are you committed to yourself?](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2019/02/23/are-you-committed-to-yourself/) - Are you looking for commitment from others and finding yourself wondering why you’re attracting people who don’t seem to want to commit? This is the time to look within yourself. Are you committing to you? Do you set an intention for yourself and follow through? Do you commit to making plans with others and for
- [Are you being honest with yourself?](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2019/02/20/are-you-being-honest-with-yourself/) - We expect honesty from others, but are we being completely honest with ourselves? We see the world through our own lens. And our ability to see the truth can be clouded by how we want something to be. What do I mean? For example … are you being honest with yourself about your feelings, expectations
- [Happy Valentines Day](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2019/02/13/happy-valentines-day/) - Happy Valentine’s Day! Tomorrow is a day you can make special for yourself by setting the intention to meet your own need for love. So many times we are seeking love outside ourselves…from our date, partner, boyfriend, spouse…anyone except for where the love is that we need to seek, discovery and get to know…within us.
- [Opening your heart](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2019/02/09/opening-your-heart/) - If you are having a hard time opening your heart to love, remember you are empowered with a choice as to how you live your life. You can choose to hang on to your past…your past hurts, your past injustices, your fears, your past way of living with your closed heart. When you continue to
- [Why your relationship with yourself matters](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2019/02/04/why-your-relationship-with-yourself-matters/) - When you get into a relationship looking solely outside yourself for someone to meet your needs and love you, when you don’t meet your own needs or love yourself, this leads to disappointment and unhappiness. Why? You are the only one who can meet your needs on the highest level. When you are searching outside
- [Are you tired of attracting people and relationships that aren’t right for you?](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2019/01/21/are-you-tired-of-attracting-people-and-relationships-that-arent-right-for-you/) - Are you tired of attracting people and relationships that aren’t right for you? Wondering if there is anything you can do to change this? The answer is YES! Now is the time to create the relationship with yourself that you have always dreamed of having in your life. Why? Because how you treat yourself, how
- [If you are having difficulty trusting, look deeper within yourself](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2019/01/19/if-you-are-having-difficulty-trusting-look-deeper-within-yourself/) - If you are having difficulty trusting others or your relationship, look deeper within yourself. When you don’t feel that you deserve joy and happiness and love in your life, you begin to doubt it is possible. You begin to question the motives of everyone. You begin to look for evidence of what isn’t working out
- [Are you connected to your appreciation energy?](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2019/01/19/are-you-connected-to-your-appreciation-energy/) - Are you connected to your appreciation energy? Or are you taking things in your life and/or people in your life for granted? Maybe when you first meet that new man or have that beautiful relationship or get that new job or receive that gift you alway wanted, you feel grateful. You appreciate what is happening
- [Your thoughts matter](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2019/01/13/your-thoughts-matter/) - Do you ever wake up and have a thought that makes you feel a little down and before you know it, several hours later, you feel so sad and full of negativity? I have. This is because the thoughts you have, the ones you give time and energy to, attract other thoughts that are alike.
- [Managing your energy](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2019/01/13/managing-your-energy/) - Have you ever been around someone who drains your energy? You know, you’re feeling great, everything seems brighter, the sky looks sunnier, the flowers smell so lovely…then you are around someone whose energy is negative…they look awful and feel awful. If you aren’t aware of what is happening, your own energy can change rapidly. The
- [Communication](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2019/01/05/communication/) - In past relationships years ago I used to think that every time there was a problem in the relationship that we needed to have a long talk. Then I would tell him everything that was going wrong or that he was not doing. There were many “you” statements and a lot of blame. It always
- [Happy New Year!](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2019/01/01/happy-new-year/) - n setting goals for 2019, it’s important to make space in your life for them. What can you let go of that isn’t serving you? Maybe it’s a belief, behaviors you have that don’t align with your desires, a job you don’t enjoy, a relationship that you know isn’t right for you. Or even clutter
- [Vulnerability in relationships](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2018/12/13/vulnerability-in-relationships/) - What is vulnerability and why is it so important in a relationship? Vulnerability is allowing someone to see your true authentic self. The real you. Not who or what you are pretending to be. When you are withholding part of yourself or your true feelings, you are controlling what the other person sees and are
- [This holiday season](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2018/12/13/this-holiday-season/) - This holiday season remember to take some time for you. Focus on what you need to feel good. It’s easy to get focused so much on everyone else that you neglect yourself. This can look like not doing your daily routine of journaling or visualizations or affirmations. Or not getting enough sleep. Or trying to
- [Why is doing the inner work so important?](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2018/12/02/why-is-doing-the-inner-work-so-important/) - Why is doing the inner work so important? When you can’t tell the difference between your triggered feelings based on your past and your feelings based on the present moment, you may respond or react in an exaggerated way. When your own limiting beliefs and nasty voices cause you to feel negative, you may lash
- [Happy Thanksgiving](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2018/11/25/happy-thanksgiving/) - Do you ever find yourself focusing too much attention on things that just aren’t that important? I do. Especially sometimes when I’m stressed or even if I may wake up in the middle of the night, things may, in the moment, feel soooo important. But when I have time to really reflect on what I
- [Are you controlling?](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2018/10/28/are-you-controlling/) - Trying to control your man doesn’t work, and in fact will kill his attraction for you. A masculine energy man wants to be in control of himself…his plans, his environment, his decisions. Controlling is masculine energy and when you try to control what your man does, his decisions, his care, his choices, etc, you are
- [Believing in the good](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2018/10/07/believing-in-the-good/) - I have always been someone who believed in the good in every person. Believed that everyone has positive intentions. Believed that everyone operated from a place of love. While I still believe that this is mostly true, what happens when there is someone who was once in your life who is operating not from a
- [Your Fear and Your Limiting Beliefs Can Actually Feel Comfortable](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2018/09/25/your-fear-and-your-limiting-beliefs-can-actually-feel-comfortable-2/) - Did you know? Your fears and your limiting beliefs can actually feel comfortable. Giving you a false sense of safety. Making it harder to let them go without feeling a sense of discomfort and even an emptiness in the space they were taking up. This is why many we revert back to our fears and
- [Your Fear and Your Limiting Beliefs Can Actually Feel Comfortable](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2018/09/25/your-fear-and-your-limiting-beliefs-can-actually-feel-comfortable/) - Did you know? Your fears and your limiting beliefs can actually feel comfortable. Giving you a false sense of safety. Making it harder to let them go without feeling a sense of discomfort and even an emptiness in the space they were taking up. This is why many we revert back to our fears and
- [Focus on appreciation](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2018/09/22/focus-on-appreciation/) - Appreciation will help you to attract and live the life you desire. When you can live from a place of appreciation for what is, you will attract so much more to be appreciative about and you will not be resisting allowing the good into your heart. Appreciation helps you to focus on what is good
- [Do you have a hard time living in a trusting energy?](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2018/08/25/do-you-have-a-hard-time-living-in-a-trusting-energy/) - Do you have a hard time living in a trusting energy? By admin | August 25, 2018 Do you have a hard time living in a trusting energy when you are in a relationship? What does this mean? Trusting YOU will be okay no matter what happens because you always have you and you have
- [Do You Have Strong Boundaries?](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2018/07/29/do-you-have-strong-boundaries/) - Do you have strong boundaries? Having boundaries does not mean you are being unkind. It does not mean you are not interested in getting to know a man further. You see, boundaries are not about the other person, they are about you. Boundaries are not about pushing another person away. They are about keeping you
- [Your Fears Are Really Opportunities For Growth](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2018/07/22/your-fears-are-really-opportunities-for-growth/) - Doing the inner work doesn’t mean you will never feel fear. What it does mean is that you will feel the fear but not let it keep you stuck, not let it stop you from moving forward. Fears come up in many places…maybe it feels hard to be vulnerable in your relationship. You may fear
- [Are You Present?](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2018/05/29/are-you-present/) - While being driven and goal oriented is great in your career, it is not necessarily your best skill to have in your romantic relationship. You are good at making a plan for success and following it. You have a deep belief in your ability to reach your goals. But what is missing is that as
- [Are You Living In Expectation Energy?](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2018/05/26/are-you-living-in-expectation-energy/) - So many times we have an idea of how we want things to happen, especially in relationships. When we are so focused on how we want something to look, and we direct all our energy towards this, it becomes an expectation. And then when it doesn’t happen as we want or expect, we feel sad,
- [Are You Feeling Stuck?](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2018/04/23/are-you-feeling-stuck/) - Are you feeling stuck in a relationship that isn’t working for you? Maybe you know deep down that it doesn’t feel right. Or maybe he has even left the relationship and you can’t figure out why you can’t let him go. When you are hanging on to a man who is not treating you well
- [Are Your Beliefs Standing in the Way of Your Dreams?](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2018/04/05/are-your-beliefs-standing-in-the-way-of-your-dreams/) - As children maybe you were told to dream big. As adults do you ever wonder why your drams have not come true? What if you could figure out what was stopping you from achieving all your desires and making all your dreams come true? After all, we all have unlimited potential. It all starts with
- [Your Needs Matter](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2018/03/28/your-needs-matter/) - Your needs matter. You may read this statement and say “of course they do.” But how many times do you put everyone else’s needs before your own? Maybe you are exhausted and don’t fee like going out but when your best friend calls and asks you to help her pick out a dress, you go
- [The Need For Certainty](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2018/03/22/the-need-for-certainty/) - We all have a need for both certainty and uncertainty in our lives and in our relationships. These needs may be fulfilled in different ways for different people. Sometimes in a relationship it’s the need for certainty that creates stress or anxiety when it’s not being met. Think about what meets your need for certainty
- [Want To Manifest More Love In Your Life?](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2018/03/12/want-to-manifest-more-love-in-your-life/) - Want to manifest more love in your life? Take notice of what you are focusing on. Whatever you are focusing on, this is where your energy is going. And this is what the universe is mirroring back to you. Are you focusing on what is there or on what is missing? On what is going
- [Is It Your Fear or Your Intuition? How Can You Tell](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2018/03/05/is-it-your-fear-or-your-intuition-how-can-you-tell/) - Do you have a hard time differentiating between your fear and your intuition? Allowing your fears to take control may prevent you from moving in the direction you desire and from being in touch with and allowing your intuition to guide you and strengthen your inner self. Fear is a powerful emotion and can keep
- [A Secret to Keeping Your Vibe High & Attracting More Happiness](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2018/02/11/a-secret-to-keeping-your-vibe-high-attracting-more-happiness/) - Have you ever wondered why your moods can change so quickly? Maybe you wake up in the morning on the weekend feeling happy…you got a good night’s sleep and are feeling refreshed and energetic and looking forward to doing some activities you love. As you sip on your favorite coffee and enjoy a croissant, all
- [Is self judgment sabotaging your love life?](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/2018/02/06/is-self-judgment-sabotaging-your-love-life/) - Do you find yourself judging others? If so this may be a clue that the person you are really judging is yourself. Why? Because when you can’t accept something about yourself, you can’t accept that in another person. Does this sound familiar? You have been dating a man who is making you feel wonderful. He

## Pages

- [HOME](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/) - Debbie Gail Zane's life changed forever when she received a telephone call informing her that her 26-year-old son, Alex, had been found dead. Just nine years before, he had been diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder and begun using drugs. Throughout his battle with mental illness and addiction, she discovered how to find peace in her life
- [AUTHOR BIO](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/author-bio/) - Debbie Gail Zane, JD LLM Debbie has a Juris Doctor and Masters of Law, is a Certified Grief Educator, Certified Life, Relationship, and Parent Coach, author of the book Finding Peace and Purpose Amidst the Tears: My Journey of the Love and Loss of My Son through His Mental Illness and Addiction, and host of
- [Media and Events](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/media-and-events/) - Fox 5 WTTG DC TV WUSA9 Washington DC TV Finding Peace Beyond the Pain – Debbie’s Podcast Listen to all episodes here: You Tube Apple Podcast Spotify IHeart Radio Amazon Music/Audible Guest Appearances on YouTube/Podcast/Radio Show/Television Show Here are a few of the episodes where I’ve been a guest- • Lisa Drennon, “Forgiving
- [Editorial Reviews](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/editorial-reviews/) - “Finding Peace and Purpose Amidst the Tears: My Journey of the Love and Loss of My Son Through His Mental Illness and Addiction by Debbie Gail Zane is a heartrending, brutally honest, and tremendously selfless and compassionate chronicle of the author’s struggle to come to terms with the untimely death of her son Alex after
- [ORDER NOW](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/order-now/) - This memoir shares one mother’s journey through her son’s mental illness, addiction, and death and how she found her own path to peace. ORDER A COPY NOW! ISBN 13 (SOFT): 9798765239179 — $13.99 ISBN 13 (HARD): 9798765239162 — $30.95 ISBN 13 (eBook): 9798765239261 — $2.99 Also available at: Amazon Barnes & Noble Apple iBooks
- [THE BOOK](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/the-book/) - In Finding Peace and Purpose amidst the Tears, Debbie Gail Zane shares the many difficulties she experienced with her son’s mental illness and addiction, as well as how she supported him, fought for him, and loved him through his journey. Zane tells how, at times, her life felt consumed by his hospital visits, treatment
- [WORKS](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/works/) - Other works of the author will be posted here.
- [EXCERPT](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/excerpt/)
- [CONTACT](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/contact/) - Comments? Questions? To connect with the author, please enter your name, contact information and message. Thank you for your feedback!
- [GALLERY](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/gallery/) - Pictures and images will be posted here.
- [REVIEWS](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/reviews/) - Book reviews will be posted here.

## MailPoet Page

- [MailPoet Page](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/?mailpoet_page=captcha) - [mailpoet_page]
- [MailPoet Page](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/?mailpoet_page=subscriptions) - [mailpoet_page]

## Categories

- [BLOG](https://www.debbiegailzane.com/category/blog/)